Who? Me? Carnal?
"Glad you stopped by, brother. Come on in Yeah, I know. I havent been in worship lately, but I just dont have time. You know, my wife works and now I have a second job. Cost of living, you know! Family come first, just read 1 Tim. 5:8 Now dont read Matt. 10:37, I know what it says.
"Sorry I cant make it to the gospel meeting. I bowl tonight got a good team this year Tomorrow night is PTA and Wednesday is Scout night Thursday I work overtime and the boys play in Little League. Friday is shopping the hairdresser for the wife and I walk the picket line. Saturday we visit the wifes folks and go to the beach. Hot, you know! Sunday morning I have to hold a spot in the park for the Lodge picnic No, I cant make it at night. Ill have to help the guys home. You know how they like their beer Man, are you narrow. You mean you really think there is something wrong with social drinking?
"Say, how come there isnt more personal work done in the church? After all, we hired the preacher to do our work for us No, Im too busy myself to be bothered with others, and anyway, I don know how Training classes are for people who need it and besides I cant make one night a month no time. When I retire Id like to be an elder therell be plenty time for personal work then. Here, have a cigar! I myself quit smoking two days ago. Those cigarettes will kill a guy. I cant seem to keep my cigars or pipe lit though I Tim 4:12? What does that say? Whats wrong with my example?... I cant figure my kid out, he got caught smoking in the boys room at school. He should have known he would get caught.
"They just delivered that 24x36 picture of Lana in her Ballet costume. Cute isnt she?... Shell be 11 next month What do you mean immodest? Listen, evil in the very eye of the beholder, havent you read Matt. 5:28?
Besides, I Tim. 2:9 say, WOMEN are to adorn themselves in modest apparel. Lana isnt a woman. Gotcha that time brother! When she gets to be a woman Ill make her dress different Now dont give me that business about dancing Sure, Ballet is dancing, but it isnt DANCING dancing Here, let me write that on this napkin and Ill study it later. Was that I Pet. 3:1-4?
"I hear contributions have been down. What can anyone expect? Cost of living, you know!... Sure I got a raise this year, last year too, but I just cant seem to make it. I had to cut my contribution in half. Anyway, things dont always go like I want them toSurely no one expects me to give more because I got a raise or twoBut, I dont agree that give as youve prospered in I Cor. 16:1,2 applies to raises. Errr, please dont lay your Bible on top of the new color TV. Aaaah, not on the new Stereo either.
"While were talking, I just dont get anything out of the Bible classes Whatcha mean, bring something to get it in?... Oh, I get it, Ha! Ha! Hey Maggie did you hear that one? Got to remember that for our next sales meeting No, she wont come in, but shes listening in the kitchen. (Whisper) Been next door at the neighbors pool party and is still in her bikini cant get to her clothes without going through here too modest. Ha! Ha! "Scuse me, do you mind if I turn up that TV a little, I missed that last score. I think the Tigers are ahead and theyre in the top of the 13th inningDid you say something about Christians vs. the Lions at the Coliseum? Which of our schools are the Christians from?... Youll have to speak up -- sounds like youre mumbling to yourself."
"Well, I plan to be out three weeks from this coming Sunday night unless there is a meeting of our social-action group P.E.A.C.E Very funny, but you know those initials dont stand for People Excited About Carnal Enticements. As long as I take the Lords Supper the rest of the services are for the convenience of the membersNo, the preacher HAS to be there, thats your opinion I dont see how its a double standard. Anyway, give me one Bible passage that says anything about the need for more than meeting to take the Lords Supper. Wait! And dont use Heb. 10:25; Acts 2:42-47; 5:42 or 20:18-31! Gotcha again, didnt I?
Yes, Ill read Heb. 5:12, 13. Can I borrow your Bible I lost our last summer and havent had time to buy another one. Now, lets see, is Hebrews in the Old or New Testament. Dont tell me Ill find it. Here it is! Oh no, thats Habakkuk, Ha! Ha! Now, Ive got it. (Pause) Hey, are you saying Im a babe, why, Ive been baptized longer than you have I Cor. 3:1-3? Sure! Thats just before second Thomas Got t get my glasses changed. O.K. got it now! (Pause) HOLD IT RIGHT THERE BUDDY! Just what are you getting at? WHO? ME? CARNAL? IF YOU EVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN ILL SUE YOU OR PUNCH YOU IN THE NOSE OR BOTH! GET OUT OF HERE! The very idea, Me, carnal"
Exaggerated, you say? Sorry, Im afraid not. I wish it were.
"They that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God" Rom. 8:5-7. "But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness" Matt. 6:33.
TRUTH MAGAZINE, XV: 30, pp. 10-11