"The Intelligence of Germs"

Robert H. West
Ventura, California

Recently I listened to a radio broadcast of a talk by Earl Nightingale on the above subject. He related the findings of some efficiency experts in their studies of absentee problems among employees of large companies.

These experts concluded that, apparently, sickness-producing germs were very intelligent! They found, for example, that businesses with very liberal sick-pay benefits had a much higher percentage of absenteeism than companies with lesser benefits. No doubt the germs knew not to pick on those poor workers whose company would not provide for them! Those experts also found that there was more sickness among employees on the days just before the weekend, and much less sickness on Mondays than at any other time. Conclusion: Those intelligent and beneficent germs knew it was more convenient for workers to be stricken toward weekends! They also were smart enough to leave their victims in time for working hours the following Monday!

I strongly suspicion that these brilliant microbes have been to work on some of my brethren. They judiciously avoid afflicting church members until late Saturday night or early Sunday morning. Those benevolent bacteria know that Sunday is the only day some Christians can afford to be laid up. But these venerable viruses invariably fly the coop at the sound of Monday morning's alarm clock.

Of course, we would be so crude as to suggest that some members are just manufacturing excuses for not attending services. But the mere breath of our suspicions along this line is met with violent denials and countercharges of "judging" and "meddling." Therefore, based upon the evidence, we are forced to the conclusion that churches have been invaded by a species of highly intelligent germs. Members beware!

TRUTH MAGAZINE X: 9, p. 17 June 1966