Why me? What did I do wrong? Where do I go from here? Will I ever be the same?
On a given day, a chosen time, and a certain year, marriage between two people begins. At this moment in time neither plan on or can even fathom what happens next. The “next” can come in months or even years in this union, but it can come. Shock, disbelief, and anger fills the heart. Thoughts you never dreamed possible are ever present in your mind. Let’s deal with it as a Christian, with choices, feelings, and decisions.
Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” First, admit to yourself you are human. You cannot and should not expect yourself to deal with this alone. Look heavenward. Empty your very soul to God. Please stop this very moment and read Psalm 139 in its entirety. Who else knows you, except God? Lean on this knowledge — also lean on those that are like minded in Christ. Don’t shut yourself off from those that care. However, don’t look to them for decisions, but for the ability to help you cope and express yourself. If you find you cannot share your feelings, then diary them. Every day, or even in the middle of the night, write, “Dear Diary, I loved this person, I trusted this person, I believed in this person.” Why me? Pour out your thoughts to “Diary” and let it become a very personal communique. Write everything. Remember, there’s no one that hurts in the way that you do. Each one has to deal with his own hurt in a very personal way. Be human — looking to God.
Don’t be disappointed with yourself for feeling anger. It’s natural to protect yourself and your feelings. The response is one that is mixed with questions of why, why, and why? How can this be? You feel beaten emotion- ally and abused physically. Go ahead, feel that way, but don’t “live” that way. When you do, you are not working through it, but to the contrary, you are letting the situation become a part of you. It can only burden you and become like a cancer that eats at your very soul. Don’t give that person the privilege of crushing you two ways. One by making your marriage and life together a lie, and two by setting the stage for you of a lifetime of despair. The first was not your choice, but the latter is! After sub- mitting to your human side, then start looking up and digging out. No one says it will be easy. Christ hung on the cross for us. That was not easy, but lifting our heart and soul heavenward is, for we know God hears our prayers. Reflect on 1 Peter 3:10, most especially verses 10-12. Humbling yourself and the admission to yourself and God that you are in need of help, is the beginning of the healing process. It all takes time.
Where do I go from here? Only you can make that choice. Only you and God know what is in your heart and the directions you are leaning. Can your marriage be saved? Do I want to put back the pieces? Do I love this person enough to forgive and go on from here? If there are children involved, do I want to let go of selfish choices and give them a real home or have a “no matter come what may” attitude and make for “me” a life. If you are the hurting one and no children are involved and the sin of fornication is the reason, you have every right to put away and go on (Matt. 19). If there are children involved and you are the hurting one and your mate asks for forgiveness and shows remorse for his mistakes, then consider. You can forgive, forgetting is another matter. Don’t expect yourself to do that. Once you have forgiven and made the choice to unite once again as a family, then remember our Lord’s forgiveness of us. It is never brought up again. Forgiveness is acting like it never happened. Two ways to handle this. Prayer and more prayer. Also, that all important friend, your diary. You have got to believe in yourself and your purpose. Keeping your eye always on eternity (1 Cor. 15:58). Putting back what God hath joined together will not be in vain (1 Cor. 9:24-27). Ultimate purpose — ultimate gift.
Go back to Psalm 139 and reflect on God’s relation- ship with you and how he knows you. Reverse that and know God.