Here’s Just What Old Satan Would Do

By Paul Harvey

If I were the Prince of Darkness I would want to engulf the whole earth in darkness.

I’d have a third of its real estate and four-fifths of its population, but I would not be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree – thee!

And the old I would teach to pray – to say after me “Our father which art in Washington.”

Then I’d get organized.

So I would set about, however necessary, to take over the United States.

I would begin with a campaign of whispers.

With the wisdom of a serpent, I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: “Do as you please.”

To the young I would whisper that “the Bible is a myth.” I would convince them that man created God, instead of the other way around. I would whisper that “what is bad is good and what is good is nerdish.”

In the ears of the young married I would whisper that work is debasing, that cocktail parties are good for you. I would caution them not to be extreme in religion, in patriotism, in moral conduct.

I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting so that anything else would appear dull, uninteresting.

I’d threaten TV with dirtier movies and vice versa.

I’d infiltrate unions and urge more loafing, less work. Idle hands usually work for me.

I’d peddle narcotics to whom I could; I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction; I’d tranquilize the rest with pills.

If I were the Devil I would encourage schools to refine young intellects but neglect to discipline emotions; let those run wild.

It would take a court order to get God evicted from the schoolhouse but with the assistance of some preachers I’d get that court order.

With flattery and promises of power I would get the courts to vote against God and in favor of pornography.

Thus I could evict God from the schoolhouse, then from the courthouse, then from the houses of Congress.

Then in his own churches I’d substitute psychology for religion and deify science. That way men would become smart enough to create super weapons but not wise enough to control them. If I were Satan I’d make the symbol of Easter an egg and the symbol of Christmas a bottle. I would embrace religion until it suffocates.

If I were the devil I’d take from those who have and give to those who wanted until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious.

I would demand “rights” for wrongdoers until the courts shackled lawmen. I’d let men hide behind a fig leaf of “privacy rights” while they misused their own children.

In other words, if I were Satan I’d just keep right on doing what he’s doing.

Paul Harvey is a syndicated, Chicago-based columnist and radio commentator.

Guardian of Truth XXXII: 14, p. 427
July 21, 1988