Let’s Teach Our Boys

By Darrel Haub

The following quote was furnished to me by a member here at Pekin. It was observed in the New York cottage at the Tamassee Daughters of the American Revolution School, Tamassee, South Carolina. “It’s not enough to teach our girls to say “No! We must also teach our boys not to ask.” As I think of this quote, I am made to face the fact that we have more often taught on women’s dress and responsibility in this area than we have on the men’s. Perhaps this article will help overcome in some measure that deficiency.

The Bible helps us see how men need to learn not to ask women for sexual favors to feed our lust. Just look at the matter of the adultery between David and Bathsheba. This is recorded for us in 2 Samuel 11:1-5. This whole matter began as David observed Bathsheba bathing. He did not have to look upon her with lust in his heart. He had wives and concubines, but he allowed lust for her to cause him to send for her and commit adultery with her. She became pregnant from this encounter and then David was led to try to cover his sin by further sins, even to premeditated murder. The son born to this affair died, and David’s family was never the same again. It was filled with deceit and similar things throughout his life. How the story could have been different had David just looked away without calling Bathsheba to this house!

David apparently failed to teach his sons about the danger of allowing lust to grow in their hearts because we read of a similar thing in his son Amnon. Read 2 Samuel 13:1-39. Amnon lusts for his half-sister Tamar and arranges a plot that leads to the rape of Tamar. Following that event Amnon is eventually killed by Tamar’s full brother Absalom. This results in Absalom’s exile from Israel for a while. Just think of all this family disturbance and turmoil because Amnon allowed his lust for Tamar to go unchecked. Do you think that the pleasure of his sin satisfied him? Do you think it was worth the pain it caused for himself and others?

After teaching our boys about these real-life situations and showing them the consequences that befell those who allowed their lusts to lead them to this kind of sin, let us teach them what Jesus said. He said, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28). We must teach our boys to control their lusts. Paul told Timothy, “Flee youthful lusts” (2 Tim. 2:22). The first step in flight from fornication might well be just to look away. In 1 Corinthians 10:13 God has promised that we will not be tempted beyond our ability to resist, but will provide a way of escape. Seek that escape from this sin.

We need to teach our boys that this sin will condemn us before God. Hebrews 13:4 teaches, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Some young people seem to think that their God-given desires are normal and that they ought to be fulfilled.

However, we can never allow our-selves to be deceived into thinking that this justifies fulfillment of those desires in unlawful ways. God will judge fornication in all cases. If a person cannot control his desires, Paul says, “but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion”(1 Cor. 7:9 NKJV). The only way to avoid sin in sexual matters is to be married or deny yourself. Let us teach our boys these simple choices.

In the reading of 2 Peter 1:5-11 we see that the virtue of self-control must be added to the Christian’s character if he is to be saved. Are we teaching our boys to learn self-control. It seems to me that in too many cases we excuse our boys’ lusts as something that just can’t be helped or controlled. We say, Boys will be boys.” Boys may be boys, but boys can be taught to control themselves. As a matter of fact they must learn this to be saved. We are remiss as parents and older Christians if we do not teach them.

Let us teach our boys respect for God, girls and themselves in this matter of fornication.

Guardian of Truth XXXVII: 4, p. 5
February 18, 1993