By Ken Vaughn
No one enjoys being lied too. There is nothing I detest more than being in the company of someone who habitually lies. The greatest damage is in the fact that this type individual deceives himself into a realm where he even believes his own lies. There is one lie that has been given by Satan that has this country spinning in a whirl. There are few families who have not been touched by divorce and of these, few who have not been told this big lie.
So I Can Feel Better
Those that are the cause of divorce attempt to soothe their conscience by saying, “The only one I am hurting is myself.” There are few lies that are more destructive than this one. The purpose is to feel better about the disarrangement they are causing. You cannot know the pain of divorce until you experience it, but you do not have to be ignorant. Peter said, “Moreover I will endeavor that ye may after my decease to have these things always in remembrance” (2 Pet. 1:15). The New Testament was written so that we might have the teaching of Christ and his apostles for our learning. If you have not been hurt by divorce, you still can learn from the pain of others.
Divorce Is Caused By Selfishness The question often asked is,
“Should two people stay married even though they fight like cats and dogs?” This question avoids the true issues. One issue is that they are not living as God would have them. When we give of ourself and think of the other, there will not be fighting of this nature.
Married couples disagree like all people, but when we have the love that is demanded by God we can work through every problem. There is no losing of the love that brought two people together. Another issue is selfishness. Divorce and selfishness are linked. They walk hand-in-hand. The reason a marriage is destroyed is selfishness. Husbands and wives should follow the instruction of Paul in Ephesians 5: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (v. 25). “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (v. 22). This is something that is learned. The inter-relationship of two who are married is built one day at a time. Like a child learning to walk, so are couples learning to live and love together. Those that have been married for 50 years have seen this love grow deeper and truer. If I had realized just how little I truly love my wife, I would have never married her. There was not nearly the love that is found now.
The Destruction Of Divorce
Divorce has caused so much pain and confusion in this world. The one causing the divorce cannot say that he is the only one hurt. At first glance this statement appears true, but in fact is false. The one causing the divorce is the only one not hurt by his actions because he is getting exactly what he wants. (This, of course, does not deny the fact that he might be the only one hurt on the judgment day by his actions.) The innocent spouse, children, parents, grandparents, and grandchildren are the ones hurt. The pain that comes with divorce tarries for the life of the individual.
Division Of Families
Feelings are often hurt because there is only half as much time that is spent with each family member as before. “Home” does not have the safe invincible feeling. The relationship of parents with children is strained. It is inevitable that more time will be spent with one parent than the other causing hurt feelings. Siblings are often set at odds by the influence of one parent. All of this is magnified when there is a second marriage. This is further complicated if both parents marry again. In some families there seems to be a tradition of divorce. The only way to Stop this is to focus on what God has given. God hates divorce!(Mal. 2:16) Divorce is a foe of the home, one of the institutions created by God. It destroys at every turn.
A Plea For All
I spent no time talking about the destruction of the souls in the midst of divorce. This has been discussed. When both parties remarry you can rest assured that one is wrong. There is but only one solution. If you are preparing for marriage do not be as those that Malachi reproved, “Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou has dealt treacherously” (Mal. 2:14a). Malachi says that she is still the wife of your covenant. Plan to marry but plan to build a marriage based on the principles established in the Bible. The Psalmist wrote, “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it” (127:1). The Lord must be the focal point of the home and the husband and wife must realize their part in the scheme that is laid by God. The Lord knew what he was talking about after all. Wherever you are in your marriage make it better by getting rid of selfishness and focus on your mate. You can do it. Divorce must stop here with you.
Guardian of Truth XL: 7 p. 1
April 4, 1996