Truth Magazine

By John W. Greene, M.D.

Recently I admitted a bright and attractive fifteen-year-old girl to the hospital for an attempted suicide. She had friends, good grades, and, on the surface, a good home. The real problem became evident, however, when I tried to schedule a family conference to discuss the problem. Her father could only meet before 7 a.m. time. or after 9 p.m., and her mother would be out of town on a buying trip for her job for the next two days. Although their daughter had taken enough medication to have resulted in her death, neither parent could make time during the following two days to even discuss the situation. When careers take precedence over people (especially our own children), it is no wonder some teenagers decide that life is not worth living.

Contrary to popular belief, a child’s need for a parent to be near does not end with the infant/toddler stage. In fact, during adolescence a child needs more, not less, parental availability. Beginning around age eleven in girls and age twelve in boys, the process of puberty (physical development) and identity crystallization (psychological development) begins, causing a succession of rapid changes. During this transition from childhood to adulthood, only a person who is consistently available to listen when stresses arise, can be of real assistance to a teenager, since these changes occur in such an uneven and sporadic manner.

Parents who strengthen their support and involvement during the teenage years facilitate their adolescent’s acceptance of life’s unavoidable physical and psychological changes. Yet that extra involvement cannot necessarily be scheduled in advance. Teenagers talk when they choose to talk, not when a parent has thirty minutes of “quality time” to listen. (It is not uncommon for a teenager to sit completely mute for more than thirty minutes when approached in this manner.) Having someone (ideally a parent) consistently available in the home is key during this difficult time.

Many parents spend more individual time with friends than with their own children, yet they expect their children to show family loyalty and respect. Teenagers often consider this kind of behavior a violation of an unwritten contract which reads: “I will give you respect and show loyalty to your values if you spend time developing our relationship.” When an adolescent feels that expectations of loyalty exceed the time commitment made to them by parents, they may resort to “acting-out” behavior — such as failing in school, using alcohol or drugs, breaking curfew or other ruleswhich maybe viewed as I ‘payback” for lack of time.

It appears that many of the severe problems encountered by teen-agers today are due in part to the fact that no one seems to want to spend much time with them. Teen pregnancies are estimated at one million a year in the United States, with conception most often occurring in the home of the adolescent girl because no one else is home. Adolescent depression and suicide are at all-time highs. Many of the teenagers suffering from these problems say very directly that they feel abandoned.

Much is said today about the need for women to work outside the home for personal fulfillment and intellectual challenge. I invite anyone who is feeling unchallenged to rear my fifteen-year-old for one week. Rearing children – and especially teenagers – is the most challenging of all the tasks I have performed to date, including college, medical school, internship, residency, and my years as a faculty member at a highly respected university. It is much easier to perform many jobs outside the home than to deal with an ever-challenging teenager.

While it may be true that the task of child/adolescent rearing does not pay economically and, unfortunatley, does not gain one a great deal of respect in some circles, it is abundantly clear that more women are needed with the sharp minds, quick wits, and infinite patience that are required to rear adolescents effectively. Women who have the fortitude to go against societal convention and pressure and choose to work (and childrearing is work) in the home, deserve the utmost respect and admiration.

-Dr. John W. Green is an Associate Professor of Pediatrics and Psychiatry and is the Director of the Division of Adolescent Medicine at Vanderoilt University in Nashville, Tennessee. Reprinted from Welcome Home, Vol. L, No. 9 (September 1984) with permission of the author.

Guardian of Truth XXIX: 16, p. 497
August 15, 1985

By Marsha Halbrook

There is a tendency today for people to equate raising children with babysitting, and homemaking with housecleaning. I can hire someone to babysit or to dean my house, but I can’t hire anyone who can train my children to deal with the complexities of fife or who can make my home a place where family members feel accepted, supported, and loved. – Cheri Loveless, Co-founder, Mothers At Home

At a time when the job market is flooded with working mothers and the women’s movements have extolled the virtues of women fulfilling themselves in meaningful careers, there is a quiet but determined revolution afoot! The organization behind this swiftly growing revolution is Mothers At Home. The founders are three Northern Virginia mothers, and the members are mothers all over the United States with allegiance spreading abroad.

Mothers At Home is a new volunteer organization devoted to the support of women who have chosen to stay at home to nurture their families. The beginnings of Mothers At Home go back several years. Janet Dittmer and Cheri Loveless began discussing ideas for boosting the spirits of others mothers at home. They talked about ways of giving the at-home moms more support, and the idea of doing a monthly newsletter came together. Soon they were joined by Linda Burton, and in January of 1984, their first issue of Welcome Home was published.

The reception of Welcome Home far exceeded all expectations! Circulation has grown from 98 subscribers in January of ’84 to 1,000 in March of ’84. As of November of 1984, circulation is close to 7,000 with requests for subscriptions pouring in daily. Interestingly enough, this growth has been without any advertisement on the editors’ part. The press has actually sought out the organization.

The editors of Welcome Home know from first-hand experience that staying home to nurture a family is perhaps the most demanding, most challenging, yet most rewarding of the many career options open to women today. It is also one of the least understood and most underrated, causing much frustration and anxiety to those who choose it. The purposes of Welcome Home are to: (1) let mothers at home everywhere know they have made a terrific choice; (2) let mothers at home know that they are not alone (in fact they comprise the single largest occupation in the country today); and (3) let mothers know that when they choose to be at home, they choose to be in wonderfully good company. Today’s mothers at home are smart, talented women who, though concerned with developing their own potential, have decided that caring for their families deserves their foremost attention at this time.

“I have working friends who say my mind is too good to stay home. I decided my mind was too good not to stay home with my children. The best minds are required there,” says Linda Burton, a 37-year old mother of two. A former publicity writer for public television, Linda had never planned to stay home. After trying the working mother role and attempting to balance “quality time,” motherhood, a career, and find good care for her children, Linda decided that the only person who would be able to give her children the kind of care she wanted them to have was herself. As for quality time-how do you explain to a baby that he is supposed to wait for “quality time” to take his first steps or speak his first words?

“When you think about what you’ve taken on, raising the future generation-the leaders and idea makers of tomorrow-you kind of shudder. It’s an awesome responsibility,” says Janet Dittmer, a mother of four. Janet is a 35-year old former researcher at Stanford Research Institute, who holds a master’s degree in clothing and textiles. “We decided when we got married I would stay home when we had kids. We don’t eat out once a week, go to movies or drive new cars. But, I think we’re doing just fine.”

Cheri Loveless, a 32-year old mother and freelance writer says, “At times, we’ve been really pinched for money. We have five children but feel strongly enough about me not working that we find ways to cope.”

The strength of this fast-growing organization has not gone unheeded by the media. The founding mothers have appeared on numerous programs, including the Phil Donahue Show and Dr. James Dobson’s “Focus on the Family. ” The message of these united mothers has also been heralded in national magazines and newspapers across the country.

The pages of Welcome Home do not attack the working mother. The editors recognize that because of pressures of today’s economy, many mothers do not have a choice. In fact, many mothers who work outside the home are Welcome Home subscribers.

The majority of articles, art work and poetry in the newsletter is contributed by the subscribers. The immediate success of the publication is proof in itself of the many talents mothers across the country possess. Thus far, some of the articles featured have been on such topics as raising teen-agers, the real feelings surrounding a miscarriage, the challenges of raising a handicapped child, ways a mother finds relief during her twenty-four-hour-a-day job in order to renew herself, and teaching appreciation of the fine arts to children. Regular columns address the issue of making and saving money at home, problems and solutions, the preschool years, and home management. With the arrival of the new year, plans are underway to add other monthly columns and to increase the number of pages in the newsletter.

To meet the demands of the publication, the editors have relied on volunteer mothers who regularly donate time to answer mail and attend various other jobs. The mail room includes a large well-equipped play area so that mothers can bring their children and supervise them while they handle the mail and visit with other moms. Aware that the demands of the thriving newsletter could threaten their number one priority — their families — Janet Dittmer says, “We realize that our first priority is to be mothers at home. We made the choice and we’re not going to do anything, no matter how great the cause, to-take ourselves away from our families more than we feel is appropriate . . . . We’re mothers at home, that’s our first priority.”

For a one year subscription to Welcome Home send $12 ($15 outside the U.S.) to Welcome Home, P.O. Box 2208, Dept. GT, Merrifield, Virginia 22116.

Guardian of Truth XXIX: 16, pp. 496-497
August 15, 1985

By Dusty Owens

Where the brother of Galatians 6:1 is being “overtaken in any trespass,” there is a brother that wanders from the truth to whom we have the the responsibility to recover if possible. “My brethren, if any among you err from the truth, and one convert him; let him know, that he who converteth a sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall cover a multitude of sins” (Jas. 5:19,20).

This beautiful passage in James speaks of benevolence, pardon and salvation. “No duty laid upon Christians is more in keeping with the mind of their Lord, or more expressive of Christian love, than the duty of reclaiming the backslider; and it is very certain that such a work cannot be accomplished except by prayer and personal effort” (R.V.G. Tasker, Tyndale Comm. of James, p. 142).

From this passage we can observe that (1) it is possible to err from something called “the truth”; (2) the one here who errs from the truth is a “brother”; (3) this brother who is erring from the truth is a sinner; (4) this brother who is considered by God to be a sinner is in “death”; (5) a responsibility rests upon the “brethren” to convert the sinning brother; and (6) a brother who is dead in sin is saved from death when he is converted.

Erring From The Truth

The word “err” in verse 19 is the first aorist passive subjunctive of planao, meaning “to go astray, to wander.” This form of the verb indicates that the brother at some point in time was “seduced” into committing some kind of sin. It does not have to be a continuous practice for the brother to “err from the truth.”

The Word of God is truth (Jn. 17:17); we must love truth .(2 Thess. 2:10-12); we must obey truth (Gal. 5:7); when we do it has the power to liberate us (Jn. 8:32); obedience to the truth results in the purification of our souls (1 Pet. 1:22); we are begotten of truth (Jas. 1:18); we must not lie against the truth (1 Jn. 1:6; 3:14); and we must speak the truth with love (Eph. 4:15).

A Brother Erring From The Truth

There is no doubt that the one who “errs from the truth” is a brother in the Lord. James addresses them as “brethren,” and then warns that “any among you” may “err from the truth.”

A Brother Erring From The Truth Is A Sinner

Those that teach that “a true Christian cannot sin” have themselves departed from the truth! “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us”; furthermore, “If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us” (1 Jn. 1:8,10).

It is evident that this brother is in some kind of “death.” Certainly not in physical death but in spiritual death, which is a separation of one’s spirit from the fellowship of God. It is caused by sin (Isa. 59:1,2; Eph. 2: 1). This brother has in some way erred from the truth; he is judged a sinner; therefore, he is “dead” spiritually. That means he will be lost in hell unless he repents and confesses his sin (Acts 8:17-24; 1 Jn. 1:9). If we do not see this brother as lost in sin, we will not put forth the effort to convert him!

The “Brethren’s” Responsibility

God in His wisdom has planned for His people to look out for each other, “watching thereunto in all perseverance and supplication for all the saints” (Eph. 6:18b). He wants us to assemble regularly to “encourage, exhort, and provoke unto love and good works” (Heb. 10:24,25). God expects us to be in “tune” with one another (1 Cor. 12:26) so if one begins to slide away, we will know immediately to “convert” him. The word “convert” means to “turn back.” If we do not turn him back, he winds up on the reef of sin, making “shipwreck” of his faith (1 Tim. 1:19).

A Brother Converted Is A Brother Saved

There are many in the religious world who do not believe that a Christian can sin so as to be lost. The Bible teaches otherwise. Jesus taught that if a branch (disciple) in Him will not produce fruit, “he taketh it away” (Jn. 15:2); Paul had to bring his own body into subjection, “lest by any means, after that I have preached to others, I myself should be rejected” (1 Cor. 9:27); the Jewish Christians were warned: “Ye are severed from Christ, ye who would be justified by the law; ye are fallen away from grace” (Gal. 5:4); they were further warned, “Take heed, brethren, lest haply there shall be in any one of you an evil heart of unbelief, in falling away from the living God” (Heb. 3:12). There are so many more Scriptures like these that we could mention. The point is that my brother who errs from the truth is a sinner, lost and doomed to hell, unless he is rescued. When we go to one such as this, in a spirit of love and humility, and convert him, we “cover a multitude of sins.” These most assuredly are his sins which are pardoned, that are under consideration. Still I wonder how many of my sins are “covered” when I go to another to convert him (1 Tim. 4:16).

“It has been said that those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves; and certainly those who bring the lives of others to God cannot keep God out of their own. The highest honor God can give is bestowed upon him who leads another to God; for the man who does that does nothing less than share in the work of Jesus Christ, the Savior of men” (William Barclay, Letters of James, p. 132). Amen.

Guardian of Truth XXIX: 16, p. 492
August 15, 1985

By Lewis Willis

The Akron Beacon Journal (7-3-85) printed an article by an Associated Press reporter, S.J. Guffey, regarding a ten-year study seeking to discover the traits parents want to see in their children. The study was funded by The Western Regional Experiment Station, a part of the USDA Research system at the nation’s land-grant universities. The Survey involved 5200 families in California, Colorado, Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico, Utah, Washington, Oregon, and Hawaii.

It was learned that these parents, whether living in big cities or on small farms, and regardless of their ethnic backgrounds, were seeking to raise their children so that they would develop the same basic values. Jerry Bigner, a Professor at Colorado State University, who participated in the survey, said, “Traditionally, there are differences between urban and rural people on umpteen kinds of traits. We don’t find that anymore.”

Parents were asked which of the following social traits they wanted to see developed in their children: consideration, cooperation, curiosity, assertiveness, understanding of others, ability to comfort others, good behavior, ability to get along, happiness, creativity’ persistence, responsibility, self-control, self-reliance, sense of identity, and tolerance. Professor Bigner called it “disturbing” that the traits that ranked lowest among parents’ desires for their children were “consideration of others, tolerance and ability to comfort.”

Bigner noted that tolerance and being considerate are important social skills. However, since most of the parents identified these skills at the bottom of their list of priorities for their children, he said, “I see a society of rude, intolerant adults.” I suspect that the accuracy of this ten-year study is basically unquestionable.

More and more we are seeing a lack of consideration for others and intolerance evident throughout our society. It is already discernible among many adults, and you cannot expect that the children of those parents will be any different. Through indifference and carelessness each generation becomes less and less thoughtful and considerate of others. Parents are going to wake up one of these days wondering what happened.

The answer to the “what happened” question is “Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap” (Gal. 6:7). Of course, not all parents are making this mistake. Some are trying to instill in their children social skills that are Bible-based. This is as it should be and God’s people must certainly be in that group developing these traits in their children. However, a word of warning is in order. If we are not diligent in fulfilling parental responsibilities regarding our children, they are going to grow up with the same deplorable social traits as the children of the non-religious and un-churched segment of our society. If this happens, Satan will rejoice over his success!

Guardian of Truth XXIX: 16, p. 493
August 15, 1985