Truth Magazine

By Hiram Hutto

“Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Ps. 127:3) and as such should be considered gifts from God who have been placed in our hands to mold and fashion into worth-while citizens in his kingdom. Thus is laid on us the responsibility to “train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). Note the word “train.” Far too many times this is thought to be accomplished simply by telling how to act, etc. However, even a dictionary recognizes that such is not the case. It says, “to bring to a desired standard of efficiency or condition or behavior, etc. by instruction and practice” (Oxford American Dictionary).

Telling is definitely important. “These words, which I command thee this day, shall be upon thy heart; thou shalt teach them diligently to thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thy house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deut. 6:6-7). But practice and application are also required. This can be seen even in secular matters. One may attend school where he is told the information he needs, but then he needs on-the-job training, and some are hired as trainees. He needs the experience. Churches have training classes in which instruction is given, but training is gained by practice and experience.

This is brought out in the New Testament in Ephesians 6:4. It says, “And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” There are several important points made in this passage:

1. Of utmost importance is the expression “of the Lord.” This has religious and spiritual application. It is “the way he should go” (Prov. 22:6). It is not just nurture and admonition, but is nurture and admonition of the Lord.

2. The synonyms nurture and admonition are not easily defined but most seem to agree that the word “nurture” deals with training by act and discipline and the expression “admonition” is training by word (Expositor’s Greek Testament). In his discussion of paideai (nurture) Thayer says: “1. the whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now re-proof and punishment).”

3. Usually we husbands leave this to mothers, but in doing so we have neglected the fact that the passage explicitly gives this to the father! Thus, it is his responsibility to do the “nurture and admonition.” He can do this by reading the Bible and Bible stories to and with his children and enabling them to make application of its truth to various aspects of life. He doesn’t merely tell them but helps them in preparing their Bible class lessons. He is involved in training them when he sees to it that they go with him to church services and participate as much as possible in its activities. It is his responsibility that they are taught the word of God, to train them in proper behavior, and when needed he is to administer discipline, correction, and punishment, as he “chastens them betimes” (Prov. 13:24). If a father is not actively involved in this, he is neglecting his role as father. Thus he is the principal trainer of his children.

To be sure, his wife has a part in this. She is told to “guide (or rule, ASV) the home” (1 Tim. 5:14). Nevertheless, “the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is head of the church” (Eph. 5:23). So, in addition to being involved in the actual teaching and training, it is his responsibility and God has given him the authority to see that all such, though done by others, is done properly. The following quotation from the Pulpit Commentary brings this out very well. In discussing the synonyms “nurture” and “ad-monition, it says, “It is difficult (but apparently impossible) to get words in the English language to represent the two words that are in the Greek original. They are in a general way to be distinguished as discipline by power and discipline by reason . . . It is rather all that drilling which a parent gives his children in virtue of the executive (magisterial) power which is placed in him. He has certain rules by which he goes in training his children, and he has got the power to enforce them. He makes them say `grace before meat’ that they may learn betimes from whom all table comforts come. He makes them attend to their lessons, that they may know that they have got to work and not be idlers. He makes them be selective as to their companion-ships, that they may not get out in evil associations. He appoints certain hours for the house, that they may learn order and punctuality. He does not ask them if they will go to church, but he makes them go to church with him. That is the kind of drilling that is meant here, and when it is necessary it must be backed up by chastening, or judicious punishment for good.” It is interesting that in discussing admonition it says, “It is not necessary that a parent should always explain to a child the reasons of his procedure. But it is important that, as a rule, children should have explained to them the evil of the course they are asked to avoid, and the advantages of the course they are asked to follow.” Again observe that the text places the responsibility to do this on the fathers.

The wording of this may seem somewhat harsh, but re-member the same verse (Eph. 6:4) lets us know that it is to be administered in such a way as not to provoke the children to wrath.

Conclusion

It seems fair to say that, in this regard, the Bible shows:

1. Children need the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

2. This involves much more than mere telling; it requires training.

3. God has specifically given this responsibility to fathers.

Guardian of Truth XLI: 12 p. 12-13
June 19, 1997

By Ron Roberts

Once a week I visit a young Christian man in jail. Al-most four years ago he got his girlfriend pregnant. He decided not to many her because she was not a Christian. This young man neglected his daughter financially and otherwise. He is now serving a three-year prison term or not paying child support. Although he has repented of his sins, he will never be able to reverse his choices, change his record, or remove the consequences of those poor choices. He will probably never be a significant influence in his daughter’s life. She has already lived three years without a father in the home.

Some believe a father’s absence is devastating to a son, but not nearly as difficult to a daughter. Why not? Do fathers not have a role in rearing daughters? Is there no contribution I can make to my two daughters by being home? Titus 2:4-5 tells us that aged women are supposed to teach younger women a number of important truths. Does this command remove the father’s responsibility to teach his daughters? Ephesians 6:4 applies to all our children. There are some things that the older women cannot teach our little girls nearly as well as their fathers can.

Fathers can teach their daughters about men from a man’s perspective. I understand the male ego, the male sex drive, and his need for accomplishment as well as any-one. I can warn my daughters about immodest clothing even better than my wife can. I know what tempts men and what they think when they see a woman who is dressed improperly. I wonder if David failed to warn his daughter, Tamar, about the male sex drive (I Sam. 13:1-21). Perhaps Jacob did not share this knowledge with Dinah either (Gen. 34:1-31). Both of these women were sexually violated without provocation. Tamar and Dinah were perfectly virtuous in their behavior. If the male urge is so strong without being teased, imagine how strong it becomes when enticed.

Although the Bible does not contain many examples of fathers and daughters, we do have a couple in the Old Testament. Judges 11 tells us about Jephthah. To solicit God’s help in a battle against Ammon he vowed a foolish vow. He would offer a burnt sacrifice of the first thing that exited his house upon his return (30-31). He was devastated when his daughter came out after the victory. Jephthah and his daughter both agreed that a vow to the Lord should not be disregarded (34-36). She was given two months to mourn over her virginity (37-38). I believe that her grief was because she would never marry and have children. Her father’s vow mined her future.

A second example is that of Lot. He chose to move his family to Sodom when he and Abraham parted company. Lot put his children in the midst of the worst influence that could be found. When angels came into Lot’s home, the men of the city demanded they be brought out for sex. Lot offered his two virgin daughters to the men instead (Gen. 19:4-8). Although the angels rescued Lot from this episode, they could not save his daughters from the influence of evil. These heavenly visitors had come to get Lot’s family out of town before the cities of the plain were destroyed.

Some believe Lot had just two daughters. They conclude that the sons-in-law that Lot tried to convince to leave were betrothed to these two virgins (Gen. 19:14). Others believe he had four or more daughters. A plurality of his girls had already married men of Sodom. If this was true, then Lot could not rescue his married daughters unless he convinced their husbands to depart. One of the most powerful lessons we need to learn as fathers is that we will someday lose our girls to their husband’s authority. We must teach them what to look for in a man, and we must place them in an environment where such a proper man can be found.

Lot’s wife died as she was leaving the city. The two virgin daughters feared their father would have no heirs as they were living alone in the mountains. Consequently they got their father drunk and committed incest with him. Lot had gotten his daughters out of Sodom, but he could not get Sodom out of his daughters.

If a daughter grows up without a dad, she will view men as unreliable. If a father abuses her, she will fear men. If her father is a weakling, she will marry in order to dominate her husband. If a father makes decisions without considering the family, a daughter will believe all men are selfish. But if a father rears his daughter according to God’s word, then she will learn that she has value. She will marry a man who appreciates God and loves her for her virtues. Fathers, we are important to the present and future happiness of our daughters. Let’s guide them toward the joy to be found in this life but more importantly toward the blessedness that is beyond this life.

Guardian of Truth XLI: 12 p. 17-18
June 19, 1997

The following sums up the life of a parent. It also gives us an insight on how we should treat our children, and how valuable each and every child is to us.

Blessed are the parents who make their peace., *fit spilled milk and mud, for such is the kingdom of childhood.

Blessed is the parent who engages not in the comparison of his child with others, for precious unto each is the rhythm of his own growth.

Blessed are the fathers and mothers who have learned laughter, for it is the music of the child’s world.

Blessed and wise are those parents who understand the goodness of time, for they make it not a sword that kills growth, but a shield to protect.

Blessed and mature are they who without anger can say no, for comforting to the child is the security of firm decisions.

Blessed is the gift of consistency, for it is heart’s ease in childhood.

Blessed are they who accept the awkwardness of growth, for they are aware of the constant perilous choice between marred furnishings and damaged personalities.

Blessed are the teachable, for knowledge brings understanding, and understanding brings love.

Bless are the men and women who, in the midst of the unpromising world, give love, for they low the greatest of all gifts to each other, to their children, and  in an ever widening circle  to their fellow men.

Marion Kinneman

Guardian of Truth XLI: 12 p. 5
June 19, 1997

By Randy Blackaby

There are elements of child-rearing that mothers simply cannot accomplish alone. The greatest mother cannot replace a father. Neither can step-dads, boyfriends, or other males.

This isn’t an assault on mothers. It is a plea to recognize the critical role God has given fathers.

There was a day when this was broadly understood. But the popular notion today is that a mother can work a little harder and be both mom and dad. Or, that another man can step in and do the job, after the real father has failed to many the mother, divorced her, or himself been divorced.

That mothers cannot do a father’s job is in evidence all around us. Child poverty, juvenile crime, an epidemic of unwed pregnancy, and growing violence against women by young men are just a few tell-tale signs.

God designed and defined fathers as the primary providers for their families. This includes physical provision (1 Tim. 5:8). And more importantly, it involves spiritual provision (Eph. 6:4).

A mother can partially provide for these needs. But not like a father. The leading cause of poverty in the U.S., particularly child poverty, is the fatherless home. This is true despite the fact that more women today work than ever before.

Ask any Christian woman who is a single mother about the increased difficulty of raising children to be faithful to the Lord without a father’s help.

Fathers also have a unique ability to provide identity, character, and competence to their offspring. Without fathers, children often encounter problems understanding who they are and what they ought to be like. Fathers provide their children a “name” and all the expectations that such identity entails. If you don’t understand the significance of this, talk to a child whose father skipped out and whose mother wears another man’s name.

Joshua’s words ring out over the centuries as he publicly identified who he was and where his family would stand. “And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for your-selves this day whom you will serve . . . but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord,” he said.

Joshua was providing for his family’s spiritual welfare. He also was doing something else that fathers are specially de-signed for  leadership.

Mothers certainly can lead. There are plenty of Bible examples. And they are to be obeyed by their children. But there is an element of family leadership that uniquely be-longs to fathers. Righteous fathers exhibit a foresight, a commitment to the well-being of their families, and a sense of self-sacrifice that is exhibited in daily action. It often is demonstrated in doing jobs they don’t enjoy  because they have a family to support.

While mothers nurture their young through a compassionate caring for present needs, fathers nurture with a longer view. Mothers often tend to over-protection, while fathers give latitude designed to encourage independent living, risk-taking, and the skills necessary to launch their children as competent adults.

Both roles are critical. But God’s design of male and female doesn’t provide for one sex assuming both roles.

One of the most critical roles fathers exercise, that mothers can’t match, is in the assertion of authority. Whether it is the male’s generally stronger physique, his more direct and assertive mode of communication, or elements we can’t readily put our fingers on  fathers can anticipate more responsive obedience than a mother by herself.

That this is God’s design is evident from passages like Genesis 18:19. In fact, a wife herself is to be subject to his authority (Eph. 5:22-24, 33; Col. 3:18).

This sets a physical pattern for a most critical spiritual lesson. A father on earth has authority (power) and is to be obeyed. A wife and mother teaches that fact to her children not just with words but with her own sub-mission. Thus, children are given a physical demonstration of both authority and submission, foundational principles that lead to respect of their Heavenly Father’s authority.

Strip family life of a father’s power and you usually get children without a model for submission to any sort of authority save their own lusts. Sin and lostness result (1 John 2:15-17).

Fathers usually have the “power” to provide a type of righteous “man-handling” that every child needs, particularly in the teenage years.

Many single moms who think they have been doing pretty good find out differently when their children become teen-agers. The teenage boy tempted to sass his mother, fears his father’s wrath. The I4-year-old girl who might convince her mother to let her date a boy five years older, fears what dad will say  and probably do!

That’s because fathers also bring a “protective” quality to the family that goes beyond what a mother can provide. Boys in single-parent homes may rebel against mom, even hit her. But few will dare strike dad’s wife. Young girls may not know what most teenage boys are looking for on a date  but dad does and he doesn’t intend to see his daughter hurt.

Like Noah, the righteous father protects his family from physical and spiritual harm.

He puts the welfare of his family ahead of his own and thus paints a human picture of the divine Father. Through this modeling children learn true character, self-discipline, deferred gratification, morality, sexual roles, and the means to be parents themselves.

No super-mom can fill a father’s shoes!

Guardian of Truth XLI: 12 p. 6-7
June 19, 1997