Truth Magazine

By H.E. Phillips

Just the ability to beget children does not make one a good father. The Scriptures require a man to be a good and successful father before he can serve as an elder. That is one of the qualifications (1 Tim. 3:4,5; Tit. 1:6).

A successful father must first be a successful husband. That means he must be married according to the Scriptures and maintaining a good and successful relationship with his wife. The word of God sets forth the high and holy standard for husband and wife relationship and he must be a successful husband. A man is thus qualified in his family relationship to be what Christ requires of one to be a bishop in the Lord’s church.

What Is Meant By A

Successful Father?

Obviously, he must be of good moral character. He is motivated by what is good and right. That is what he must teach his children. He is honest and fair in all his dealings with others. He is a holy man with self-respect. He shows compassion and benevolence to his family and to others.

He is a man of mental and emotional stability. One who loves and respects his own father and mother. He willingly accepts his responsibility in all areas of life. He loves his wife and his children. He provides for their needs. He has control of his temper and tongue.

He is a man of spiritual devotion. He loves and venerates God and his word. He is one who prays to God often. He reads and studies the Bible daily and teaches his children to do so. He worships God and the Lord Jesus Christ daily. He is a devout man of faith. His home is a place where godliness reigns.

He makes his home the haven of peace in all areas. Fathers must provide for their wives and children (1 Tim. 5:8). The teaching and discipline of children rest upon the shoulders of fathers with the help of their wives. In doing so they must not “provoke to anger,” but bring them up in the chastening of the Lord (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21; Heb. 12:9). Chastening is important to being a successful father (Prov. 13:24; 23:13). Eli was a failure as a father because he “re-strained not” his unruly sons (1 Sam. 3:11-14; 2:23). A successful father teaches his children to love and respect one another, and sets the example before them.

What A Successful Father

Must Teach His Children

First and foremost he must teach his children to be faithful Christians all their lives. That is what the word of God requires (Eph. 6:1-4; Col. 3:20). This must start at a very early age and continue throughout his responsibility to them. This includes a consistent study of the word of God daily, regular praying to God and faithful godly living every day of their lives.

Second, he must teach them to obey and honor their parents, be-cause God requires it. What God requires of children is what fathers must teach them. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right” (Eph. 6:1). “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord” (Col. 3:20). The failure of children to obey their parents brings terrible consequences; The terrible sins and the consequences are listed in Romans 1, which includes “disobedient to parents” which brings death. Children must be taught to “shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God” (1 Tim. 5:4).

To “honor” parents includes providing for their needs when they are old (Eph. 6:2). The scribes and Pharisees challenged the disciples of Christ for not washing their hands before eating bread. Jesus replied to them in this fashion: “Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition? For God commanded, saying, Honor thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father and mother, let him die the death” (Matt. 15:3-6). For this Jesus called them hypocrites because of their claim to honor God while disobeying his commandment.

Third, he must teach his children to be good husbands and wives. In time they will likely want to marry. They must know how to select a wife or husband. They must know the permanence of marriage; their marriage is for life (Rom. 7:2, 3). They must know the nature of marriage and their obligations to each other (Eph. 5:22-33). They must know how to be good parents.

Fourth, he must teach his children the honor of honest labor for their needs in life. Honesty and truthfulness are vital for the success in rearing his children to be what God wants them to be. He must educate them in body and mind. He must provide for their needs (1 Tim. 5:8). He must teach them to have a good conscience by always doing what they believe is right, and to use good language that honors and glorifies God (Eph. 4:29).

Fifth, he must teach his children to prepare for death and the judgment of Christ. The judgment of all men is inevitable. After death comes the judgment to all men (Heb. 9:27). He must teach them that their words, deeds and the attitudes of their minds and lives will be the basis upon which they will be judged for eternity.

Sixth, he must teach them to live and think upon these things:

 To love all men and that which is good and right (1 Cor. 13).

 To love, live, and always do good to the best of his ability (1 Pet. 3:10-12).

 To honor and obey the laws of God and man (Jas. 1:22-25; Gal. 6:2).

 To hold to the one hope (Rom. 8:24; Tit. 1:2).

 To always seek truth and right in everything.

 To know that they must reap what they sow (Gal. 6: 7, 8).  To always love, honor, and obey the Lord Jesus Christ first in our lives.

These are some of the things that will make a father successful with his children, which is essential for him to qualify to be an elder in a local church.

Guardian of Truth XLI: 12 p. 8-9
June 19, 1997

By Alan Jones

As I drove down our lane on the way to my office to write this article, my five-year-old son, Eric, as he usually does, ran alongside; smiling, waving, and telling me “bye.” He, along with my nine-year-old son, Jeremy, and ten-year-old son, Luke, are the inspiration for this article. I’m going to approach the question, “Why are fathers so important to their sons?” Very personally, “Why am I important to `my three sons’?”

Paul had a very special relationship with the Corinthians. He had brought them to Christ. Though many others had influenced and would influence them for the good, he alone was their father. He appealed to them, that because he was their father, they should imitate him (2 Cor. 4:14-16).

I pray that many good people will influence Luke, Jeremy, and Eric throughout their lives, but I am their only father. I must live in such a way that I can encourage their imitation of me above all others.

I have the same awesome responsibility toward my three daughters, Aimee, Heidi, and Holly. But is there any way that I am important to my sons because they are my sons? Yes!

Recently I attended a meeting at school conducted by a social agency. The speaker said, “Our agency teaches that the sexes are equal.” She explained that she meant that both sexes are free to do whatever they want to do. This is typical of the blurring of roles in our society today.

The Bible plainly teaches the equality of the worth of male and female (1 Cor. 11:11-12), but it teaches a distinction in position (1 Cor. 11:3) and role (1 Tim. 2:8-15). I must be an example of position and role to our sons, as my wife, Jill, must be for our daughters.

I must show my sons how to work to provide (Gen. 3:17-19; 1 Tim. 5:8). On one hand, I must not be lazy, but on the other, I must not be a “workaholic,” neglecting other responsibilities, including spending time with my family. And, I must show them that work is done, not only to meet our needs, but to share with others (Eph. 4:28). If I don’t, what kind of workers will my sons be?

Luke, Jeremy, and Eric must see me as the loving head of Jill, leading her unselfishly and sacrificially, as Christ does the church (Eph. 5:23, 25). They must see me nourish and cherish her as Christ does his body, not doing anything to physically, verbally, or emotionally abuse her (Eph. 5:28-29). And, they must see that I understand her needs as a female, and honor her for the carrying out of her important role (I Pet. 3:7; Prov. 31:28-31). If I don’t, what kind of husbands will my sons be?

My sons must know that I am seeking to bring them up in the Lord’s discipline and instruction (Eph. 6:4). They must realize that my chastening, while not pleasant at the time administered, is designed to produce the fruit of righteousness (Heb. 12:5-11). I must train them in such a way that they are neither angered nor discouraged (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21). If I don’t, what kind of fathers will my sons be?

I must “lift up holy hands” in prayer (1 Tim. 2:8), and to the extent of my ability lead singing, teach, and preach for God has given men the leadership role in the worship of the church. I must develop my character and mature in my family leadership so that I can be an elder or deacon (1 Tim. 3:1-13; Tit. 1:5-9). If my sons don’t see me undertake these responsibilities, will they become leaders?

I close with a sobering poem for all of us who are fathers to consider as we meditate on our importance to our sons:

Walk a Little Plainer, Daddy

“Walk a little plainer daddy,”

Said a little boy so frail

“I’m following in your footsteps,

And I don’t want to fail.

Sometimes your steps are very plain,

Sometimes they are hard to see

So walk a little plainer daddy,

For you are leading me.

I know that once you walked this way

Many years ago

And what you did along the way,

I’d really like to know.

For sometimes when I’m tempted,

I don’t know what to do

So walk a little plainer daddy,

For I must follow you.

Someday when I’m grown up,

You are like I want to be.

Then I will have a little boy,

Who will want to follow me.

And I would want to lead him right,

And help him to be true

So, walk a little plainer daddy,

For we must follow you.”

 Author Unknown

Guardian of Truth XLI: 12 p. 15-16
June 19, 1997

By Royce U. Deberry

Today, much is said of those who are “less fortunate” than us. Usually, when we use this phrase, we are refer-ring to those who are physically or mentally handicapped, or those who are homeless, or those out of work, or those who are financially deprived, or a host of others. However, I believe there is a large group (and it seems to be growing by leaps and bounds) that is truly “less fortunate”  the orphans and/or the fatherless.

However, considering there is nothing new under the sun, we must realize that this problem existed in Bible times. Much is said in both the Old Testament and the New Testament about orphans (or the fatherless). Note the following passages  Deuteronomy 14:28-29; 24:17,19-22; Proverbs 23:10; Lamentations 5:1-3; Jeremiah 22:3; Psalms 82:3; 68:5; 10:14; Isaiah 10:1-3; Hebrews 12:8-9; James 1:27. If God devoted that much time and space to a particular subject, it must be important.

In the wonderful wisdom of God, he provided a way by which children could be brought into this world. When a man and a woman come together in the marriage relationship, and a child is conceived, both are responsible for this act. And by the way, both are responsible to see that this child is cared for, provided for, trained and nurtured; not only in the physical aspects, but more importantly, in the spiritual needs. Some have concluded today, that the mother is the only one who plays an iatrical part in the child’s life, but this is not true. It is true that the mother has an important role to play in the life of the child, but so does the father. From a biblical perspective, the father’s role is just as important and weighty. It is the father’s responsibility to provide for the family, to be the head of the house, to guide and direct the home, to be a steadying influence, and to set a godly example (1 Tim. 5:8; Eph. 5:23; 6:4; Col. 3:21). God holds the father responsible as the head of the household. No one can do the father’s job as effectively as the father.

When we think of an orphan today, we think of a child that has neither father or mother. But in the biblical sense, more often it referred to one that was fatherless. There are several ways by which a child can be orphaned or become fatherless: by the death of the father, or irresponsibility and lack of commitment, or by divorce. The last two ways are the most terrible and devastating. With these two ways, the load is usually altogether shifted upon the shoulders of the mother and sometimes upon the children themselves.

And then there are children who are fatherless when their father is alive, well and living with them. He may be there in person, but not in spirit. He may provide food, shelter, and clothing, but he fails to teach, instruct, and discipline them. Paul in Hebrews 12:8-9 says that a child who is not disciplined by his father is actually fatherless. How terrible, to have a father who is no father. Look around us in the world, we have many of these.

In Old Testament times, God was concerned with and made provisions for the fatherless. The children of Israel were to tithe and the Levites, the sojourner, the widow, and the fatherless were to benefit (Deut. 14:28-29). When they would reap the harvest, they were to leave some for the sojourners, the widows, and the fatherless (Deut. 24:19-22). The fatherless were not to be denied justice (Deut. 24:17). They were not to be defrauded of what God had given to them (Prov. 23:10). The fatherless were not to be oppressed nor deprived of kindness or compassion (Zech. 7:8-10). Surely God was manifesting his love, kindness, and protection for the fatherless.

Likewise in New Testament times, although there are not as many Scripture references as in the Old Testament, God continued the principle of showing mercy, compassion, and protection to those who were truly less fortunate. We should be impressed with the “needs” of the father-less. All children have many needs as they proceed toward independence and adulthood. Those of us who had loving and caring fathers realize how much they gave and contributed to our development. Our needs were recognized and fulfilled. We need to count the many blessings that were bestowed upon us, and then follow the teaching of Jesus, “All things therefore whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, even so do ye also unto them” (Matt. 7:12).

Most of us are acquainted with the teaching of Jesus in Luke 10:25-37 concerning the Good Samaritan. But knowledge of and/or the ability to quote from memory this passage is of little value without application. We can make application of this wonderful teaching when it comes to the fatherless. Look around you . . . there are the fatherless in the church, in our neighborhoods, in our towns and cities . . . quite liter-ally, they are everywhere. The doing of God’s law is connected with inheriting eternal life. There is something we must do in order to manifest our love for our fellowman. Love is more than words, it must be proved by our actions (1 John 3:18). Remember Jesus’ conclusion: “Go, and do thou likewise” (Luke 10:37). Yes, there is something we must do for the fatherless.

In James 1:27, James says, “Pure religion and undefiled before our God and Father is this, to visit the fatherless and widows, in their affliction, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.” We tend to understand the Scriptures in light of modern day definitions. To many today visit means to stop in, check on them, chat with them, and see them for a short period of time. But actually it means to take care of their needs, what they might be lacking. It might entail providing food, shelter, clothing, and other necessities. Also, it may require us to give more than just money or things; we may have to give of our self and our time. But is that not what serving our fellow man is all about  giving ourself to them and for their good.

Children learn by example. In a world filled with substitutions for the home God intended (one husband and one wife raising their children), it is imperative as Christians we live lives in a way that the fatherless of our world can see the proper example. They need to see this to have an example in their life of a home as God would have it.

Just as Jesus “advanced in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men” (Luke 2:52), children today must do the same. But those who are orphaned or fatherless are at a disadvantage. It may not be the responsibility of the church, but it is the individual Christian’s responsibility (Gal. 6:10). Therefore, we must be aware of those around us and seek an opportunity to aid them. We must help them to grow physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. Remember the words of Jesus, “Go, and do thou likewise.”

Guardian of Truth XLI: 12 p. 18-19
June 19, 1997

By Hiram Hutto

“Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Ps. 127:3) and as such should be considered gifts from God who have been placed in our hands to mold and fashion into worth-while citizens in his kingdom. Thus is laid on us the responsibility to “train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). Note the word “train.” Far too many times this is thought to be accomplished simply by telling how to act, etc. However, even a dictionary recognizes that such is not the case. It says, “to bring to a desired standard of efficiency or condition or behavior, etc. by instruction and practice” (Oxford American Dictionary).

Telling is definitely important. “These words, which I command thee this day, shall be upon thy heart; thou shalt teach them diligently to thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thy house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deut. 6:6-7). But practice and application are also required. This can be seen even in secular matters. One may attend school where he is told the information he needs, but then he needs on-the-job training, and some are hired as trainees. He needs the experience. Churches have training classes in which instruction is given, but training is gained by practice and experience.

This is brought out in the New Testament in Ephesians 6:4. It says, “And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” There are several important points made in this passage:

1. Of utmost importance is the expression “of the Lord.” This has religious and spiritual application. It is “the way he should go” (Prov. 22:6). It is not just nurture and admonition, but is nurture and admonition of the Lord.

2. The synonyms nurture and admonition are not easily defined but most seem to agree that the word “nurture” deals with training by act and discipline and the expression “admonition” is training by word (Expositor’s Greek Testament). In his discussion of paideai (nurture) Thayer says: “1. the whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now re-proof and punishment).”

3. Usually we husbands leave this to mothers, but in doing so we have neglected the fact that the passage explicitly gives this to the father! Thus, it is his responsibility to do the “nurture and admonition.” He can do this by reading the Bible and Bible stories to and with his children and enabling them to make application of its truth to various aspects of life. He doesn’t merely tell them but helps them in preparing their Bible class lessons. He is involved in training them when he sees to it that they go with him to church services and participate as much as possible in its activities. It is his responsibility that they are taught the word of God, to train them in proper behavior, and when needed he is to administer discipline, correction, and punishment, as he “chastens them betimes” (Prov. 13:24). If a father is not actively involved in this, he is neglecting his role as father. Thus he is the principal trainer of his children.

To be sure, his wife has a part in this. She is told to “guide (or rule, ASV) the home” (1 Tim. 5:14). Nevertheless, “the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is head of the church” (Eph. 5:23). So, in addition to being involved in the actual teaching and training, it is his responsibility and God has given him the authority to see that all such, though done by others, is done properly. The following quotation from the Pulpit Commentary brings this out very well. In discussing the synonyms “nurture” and “ad-monition, it says, “It is difficult (but apparently impossible) to get words in the English language to represent the two words that are in the Greek original. They are in a general way to be distinguished as discipline by power and discipline by reason . . . It is rather all that drilling which a parent gives his children in virtue of the executive (magisterial) power which is placed in him. He has certain rules by which he goes in training his children, and he has got the power to enforce them. He makes them say `grace before meat’ that they may learn betimes from whom all table comforts come. He makes them attend to their lessons, that they may know that they have got to work and not be idlers. He makes them be selective as to their companion-ships, that they may not get out in evil associations. He appoints certain hours for the house, that they may learn order and punctuality. He does not ask them if they will go to church, but he makes them go to church with him. That is the kind of drilling that is meant here, and when it is necessary it must be backed up by chastening, or judicious punishment for good.” It is interesting that in discussing admonition it says, “It is not necessary that a parent should always explain to a child the reasons of his procedure. But it is important that, as a rule, children should have explained to them the evil of the course they are asked to avoid, and the advantages of the course they are asked to follow.” Again observe that the text places the responsibility to do this on the fathers.

The wording of this may seem somewhat harsh, but re-member the same verse (Eph. 6:4) lets us know that it is to be administered in such a way as not to provoke the children to wrath.

Conclusion

It seems fair to say that, in this regard, the Bible shows:

1. Children need the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

2. This involves much more than mere telling; it requires training.

3. God has specifically given this responsibility to fathers.

Guardian of Truth XLI: 12 p. 12-13
June 19, 1997