Truth Magazine

By F. David Moyer

There has been much written about the causes of unhappy marriages. As a counselor who has worked with hundreds of couples, I can safely say that nearly everything has been blamed for the breakup of the home, including the family pet.

Major issues of blame fall upon finances, the arrival of children, or new live-in relatives. Sex is an explosive issue, whether a lack of, or a demanding too much of, or extramarital affairs. So also is the demand for rights of “personal space” or attention. At the height of the list is the lack of communication, the inability to express feelings, and the blaming of the partner for holding in feelings that need to be expressed.

If we would take a hard, close, personal look at all the excuses offered for the collapse of the home, the preceding list would teach us that each of those things are only symptoms of the real problem, not the cause itself.

When two individuals complain about an “issue” in the marriage, the real problem is that the two are having difficulty relating to each other in the way God created the marriage to work. They are not abiding by the love principle.

To understand the real issue, and not be caught up in the smoke screens, we need to discern the basic premise which God has ordained for the smooth functioning of any relationship, and that is, “Love your neighbor as yourselj”‘(Mk.12:31). This was called by James the “royal law” (Jas. 2:8).

When we make the application of this law to the marriage ‘ it would translate as, “Love your partner as you love Yourself. ” This is another way of expressing the “Golden Rule” of “Do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matt. 7:12).

Twentieth century mankind has either never learned, or has forgotten this command, because now everyone is demanding their “rights” as the foundation of their relationship. This immediately sets up an antagonistic base in which each person is expecting the other to love (respond and perform) on demand – the right to expect the other person to behave in a certain way. Yet this goes contrary to God’s plan which is based on the love principle.

Consider what Paul said, “. . . husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph. 5:28). This is the practical application of Jesus’ royal law. Certainly the same principle applies to the wife as well, and the wife must respect her husband” (v. 33).

Let’s put this concept into usable terms. For the husband to love his wife, and the wife to respect her husband, each must give to the relationship, not demand. “If you could love your wife, and treat her exactly the way you would like to be treated, then chances are she will respond to that love. . . . If you would love her, serve her, lift her up, and praise her, you may get that back, but to demand her to be that way because you have a right to is expect the impossible, and clearly goes against God’s love principle.”

So often I’ve heard husbands complain that their wives will not do what they are told to do, that they will not serve, or clean, or contribute to the home; that all they do is complain and moan about their situation – they are not submissive. (Submission is a dirty word by modern definition and understanding! After all, we have the right to do what we want to do without having to consider another person’s feelings?) The real reason for their dissatisfaction (and hear this men) is that husbands are not loving their wives in the way they would like their wives to love them in return the love principle is not being applied! If you could love your wife, and treat her exactly the way you would like to be treated, then chances are she will respond to that love. But how can you possibly expect her to be how you would like her to be, and not be that way yourself? If you would love her, serve her, lift her up, and praise her, you may get that back, but to demand her to be that way because you have a right to is expect the impossible, and clearly goes against God’s love principle. (The same thing is true for wives as well.)

I’ve never talked to a wife who has difficulty giving of herself to a husband who is kind, considerate, loving, and nourishing; who gives of his time and energy to make her feel like the most important person in the world; who, by his actions and attitudes, lifts her up to be a glorious woman, without any defect or weakness, who is radiant because of the love he showers upon her; and who, by his words, removes any impurity ever perceived. When love is shown, love will be returned; this is the love principle in action. (This is “just as Christ” loving as described in Ephesians 5).

I’ve also never talked to a husband who has difficulty giving of himself to a woman who exhibits all of those same qualities just listed. There are the guiding tenets of the love principle found in Ephesians 5:21-33. When these are applied, submission loses its dirty connotation, and takes on the sense of freely giving of the self to the other because it’s an act of love. The husband voluntarily submits to his wife (v. 21) by the giving of himself sacrificially to his wife as Christ freely gave himself for his bride, the church. The wife voluntarily submits to her husband (v. 22) by the giving of herself to her husband as the church does to her husband, Christ. And what a beautiful relationship comes as a result: no selfish and arrogant demands for rights, but the giving of self in response to the love principle – two individuals who give of themselves and get 100 percent in return.

This principle is described as to its focus of interests in Philippians 2:4, “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” In other words, when you make an emotional and intellectual investment with the other person, you are acting out of love. That’s what Jesus did (Phil. 2:5-8), giving of himself to be of service to the one he loves. He lived the love principle perfectly.

When John wrote of God’s love for us in 1 John 4:10, he said, “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us. ” God showed his love without us showing it to him first; in fact, we were hostile to him when he showed his love (Rom. 5:8-10). It is not our response to God that prompts his love being shown, but his desire to show love to us. For husbands and wives this character of love must be demonstrated, not in order to prompt or demand a response from the other, but simply to show the love and let them make the choice. With two people showing love in this way, there will be two individuals receiving the gift of perfect, unconditional love, and the formulation of a base which will bring the two together so that neither life, nor death, nor angels, nor demons, nor the present, nor the future, nor any powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate them from the love they share. And that is a marriage which will last through whatever storm or trial may come. They love each other enough to see it through -separation or divorce is never an option.

It is my firm belief that the underlying problem for so many couples is not finances, children, sex, or the family pet, but that they do not love each other enough. This is the message . . . from the beginning: We should love one another” (1 Jn. 3:11).

Guardian of Truth XXXIV: 17, pp. 513, 533
September 6, 1990

By Larry Ray Hafley

“Sanctify the Lord of hosts himself; and let him be your fear, and let him be your dread” (Isa. 8:13). “And I say unto you my friends, be not afraid of them that kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do. But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, fear him” (Lk. 12:4,5).

When a man becomes engaged to be married, he sanctifies a lady; he sets her apart. She is the object of his love, the devotion of his heart, the substance of his future. Others are given no consideration, for she is sanctified for his love and loyalty.

So, we are to sanctify Christ as Lord in our hearts (1 Pet. 3:15). He is to be set apart, sanctified, as the sole subject of our spiritual service. He is to be our dread, our fear, in that we hear him alone. Our allegiance is to him and his word, “and I will not fear what man shall do unto me” (Heb. 13:6).

Our faith and worship is neither to please men nor to be seen of them, “for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ” (Gal. 1:10). No man, no husband, no elder, no preacher, is my ultimate dread and fear. No paper, no editor, no bookstore, no college, no professor is my conscience or the author of my faith. “Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.”

However, my independence and freedom is not personal anarchy. It is not license to deny or ignore responsibilities that are a part of relationships established by the Lord in his word. Yes, I serve God alone, but I have duties and obligations as a husband, father, son, daughter, wife, mother, employer, employee. Yes, I answer to God; he is sanctified, but I have ordered, structured relationships and, hence, responsibilities to men in those arrangements (I Thess. 5:11-14; 1 Cor. 14:23-40; 1 Pet. 3:1-11; 5:2-5).

Some talk and clamor for Christ as Lord is a mere cover for self-enthronement. Some who cry for the authority of Christ are the first to deny that very authority in the God ordained relationships to life. Suppose a wife said, “Sorry, dear, I can no longer submit to you. Christ is my Lord, and I cannot divide allegiance between him and you. It is Christ alone that I must hear and fear. Get your own supper.” Suppose a preacher said, “Wives, are you tired of being your husband’s door mat? You are free in Christ. The Lord alone is your head, not your husband. Do not be enslaved to a man who is called, ‘husband.’ You are a bond servant of Jesus, anyway; so, walk from that so called ‘divine institution’ called marriage and join our Truth and Freedom Marriages Ministry, Inc.”

With all its feigned appeal to Christ as Lord, the above words are in reality a denial of the leadership and lordship of Jesus. My devotion and service to my family is evidence of submission to Christ. When a man serves as head of his wife, he is not seeking to usurp Christ’s office as Head (Eph. 5:22-29). A wife’s subjection to her husband does not mean she had two lords, two masters, to serve. She is submitting to Christ as Lord when she submits to her husband (Eph. 5:22-30; 1 Pet. 3:1-7).

Elders who pastor flocks among them and flocks who submit unto them are expressing loyalty to the Lord (1 Pet. 5:2-5; Heb. 13:7,17; 1 Tim. 5:17). They are exhibits of sanctifying Christ as Lord. They are not examples of demeaning that Lordship.

Yes, there may be abusive husbands who are cruel, demanding tyrants, but that does not destroy the relationship as God ordained it. There may be abusive, dictatorial elders who violate the charge of 1 Peter 5:2,3 but that does not destroy the office or work as God ordered it.

When a man submits to his employer, he is “doing service, as to the Lord” (Eph. 6:5-8). When a woman submits to her husband, she may manifest “a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (1 Pet. 3:1-6). If any man teaches otherwise, and does not consent to sound words, even the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, he is proud, knowing nothing and causes jealousy, quarrels, slanders and evil surmisings (1 Tim. 6:14).

Likewise, when brethren humbly esteem and lovingly honor those whom the Holy Spirit has made overseers, they are “doing service as to the Lord” (1 Thess. 5:12-14; 1 Tim. 5:17; Acts 20:28; Heb. 13:7,17; 1 Pet. 5:1-5). And if any man teaches to the contrary, he breeds jealousy, quarrels and factions and is not obedient to sound doctrine, even the words of our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Tim. 6:1-5; Rom. 16:17,18).

The man who rails against God’s arrangements, God’s structures, designs and orders, as set forth in the New Testament, is not a promoter of the power and authority of Jesus the Christ. When he denies the work and oversight of elders, he denies sound doctrine. If he were to deny the headship of man and the submission-of wives, he would deny the words of our Lord Jesus Christ. If not, why not?

Guardian of Truth XXXIV: 16, pp. 490-491
August 16, 1990

By Jimmy Tuten

The subject before us has many facets. The demands of it are greater than anything else. Unless, of course, it is that of a fisherman bragging about his latest catch while not aware that God is listening or that of preparing your tax return when no one is looking but Jehovah. Honesty and truth are the heart and soul of the whole person, not merely a “Boy Scout” trait.

The Greeks had two words for “honesty”; kalos, with the ethical meaning of what is fair and right, and semnos, denoting that which is honorable. The word “truth” comes from alethes, which has a primary meaning of being unconcealed, true to fact. In our everyday conversation we are most likely to use the word “integrity” when discussing sincerity and truth. There can be no honesty without truth. It is with compliance to truth that we fulfill our obligation in “promise making” for example. Because we are honorable and true, we are “promise keepers.”

It is because of belief in one’s honesty that we tend to trust our brethren, though we are often disappointed. We trust God explicitly because of his absolute integrity. If God should be proven false then the basis of trust would be eliminated. So it is with man. When we can no longer depend on one another to do what we said we would do, the future becomes an undefined nightmare. The question of honesty and truth is a holy thing. “Ideas in theory and ideas in action are seldom the same. But when one follows the other, there is opportunity for change and growth” (Integrity, Engstrom & Larson). Honesty demands that we be true to our commitments, whether to God, our spouse or man in general. We certainly should expect this of our brethren (“when thou vowest a vow unto God defer not to pay it . . . Pay that which thou vowest, ” Eccl. 5:4). Emerson said, “The greatest homage we can pay to truth is to use it.”

The Christian Must Demonstrate Honesty

1. In the Heart. “Knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful,” Samuel Johnson once said. Honesty is demanded. So is its demonstration. Charles Spurgeon once said, “A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you, and were helped by you, will remember you when forget-me-nots are withered. Carve your name on hearts, and not on marble.” Before one can be viewed as an honest person there must be an “honest and good heart” (Lk. 8:15, “good” is from agathos, which means that which is good in character). Only the honest and good heart will produce the honor that will cause one to be true to himself and to others. We are commanded to “provide things honest in the sight of all men” (Rom. 12:17). This we will do if and when we are fully aware that such is in the sight of the Lord (2 Cor. 8:21). So where there is an honest heart the integrity of the individual is beyond question.

2. In the tongue. In addition to honesty being displayed in the heart, it must be manifested with the tongue. “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh” (Matt. 12:34). Let us not deceive ourselves (Jas. 1:26). “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord: but they that deal truly are his delight” (Prov. 12:22). An honest heart will not produce the fruit of a tongue that lies and deceives. More to the heart of the issue is the attitude toward our commitments and promises. When we vow or promise to do something, it should be viewed as a “holy thing” because God requires it of us. Simply put, honesty is the doing what you said you would do. When one promises to do something for a child and for some reason fails in the commitment, the child most often responds with “but you promised! ” The message is clear with reference to trust, which in turn is based on belief in the parent’s integrity.

3. In actions and deeds. When Jesus spoke of those who “saith to me, Lord, Lord,” but who would not enter the kingdom, he was speaking of those who would not do his will (Matt. 7:21). He was speaking of the need for honesty in our actions and deeds. An honest man will not live a lie. He will be true to his convictions. He will not say one thing and do something else. There will be exactness and correlation between the belief and the act. “Talent is nurtured in solitude; character is formed in the stormy billows of the world” (Geothe).

4. Genuineness and Sincerity. Finally, honesty must display itself in genuineness and sincerity. In Psalms 55 Davis spoke of a pretended friend who was in fact his enemy: “The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart: his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords” (Psa. 55:21). The wise man warned, “Eat thou not the bread of him that hath an evil eye, neither desire thou his dainty meats: for as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: eat and drink, he saith to thee; but his heart is far from thee” (Prov. 23:6-7). A man is vain when he fails to show honesty in living in demonstration of genuineness and sincerity (Jas. 2:15-17). “For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all” (Jas. 2:10). The wise man said, “Good understanding giveth favor: but the way of the transgressor is hard” (Prov. 13:15).

A Call to Action

There are some stern tests involved, all of which remind us of the admonition, “Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, what thee”(1 Tim. 4:16). And who among us would declare that we do not need some correction along these lines? Dare any of us declare that we have never come into contact with Solomon’s little foxes that spoil the vine? Compromise your conviction on the matter of integrity once, and it becomes easier the second time around. When one sincerely encounters the thrust of the obligations of honesty, then the real meaning of Proverbs 13:10 strikes a hard blow: “Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction: but he that regardeth reproof shall be honoured.”

In my early years of study I had difficulty with King David being called a “a man of God” (2 Chron. 8:14) and a man after God’s “own heart” (Acts 13:22). He was guilty of many sins and indiscretions. But after falling, he would pick himself up in sincere repentance and confession of his sins. The monument to his integrity and honesty is found in Psalm 51. What a powerful tribute to that which demands a clear call to action. The New International Version of the Bible uses the expression, “that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity” and “with an honest heart” in translating 1 Chronicles 29:17. What was said of David could not be a better epitaph for you and me: “he served his own generation by the will of God” and “fell asleep” (Acts 13:36).

This vivid illustration from God’s Word demonstrates a vital principle of truth regarding honesty; namely integrity is never subject to circumstances or people. It is subject solely to the principle of what is right, honorable and true in the sight of God and man.

It never asks, “Who is right?” but, “What is right?” It does not ask, “What kind of person am I dealing with?” but, “What kind of person am I?” It never inquires into “who is honest and deserving of courtesy and consideration?” Integrity seeks that which is honest and courteous regardless of the person with whom one is dealing. It does not ask, “What kind of behavior does this person demand of me?” Rather, it will ask, “What kind of behavior does the standard of truth demand of me?” Just what kind of individuals are we anyway? “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just . . . if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things” (Phil. 4:8).

Conclusion

There are definite circumstances which will try our honesty and conformity to truth. For the purpose of stimulating thought think of the following examples of the tests of our honesty:

Do we profess to believe in a man’s innocence until he is proven to be guilty (1 Tim. 5:19; Matt. 18:16), yet judge before all the facts are in (Jn. 7:24)? Do we profess to believe in the principles of open-mindedness with reference to the study of the Bible, particularly in the area of judgment and opinion, yet are defiantly close-minded with those with whom we disagree (Acts 17:11-12)? Do we, without intent on our part and quite by accident, have opportunity to profit by a mistake made in our favor, a mistake which probably would never come to light unless we reveal it, take advantage of it as if honesty did not demand otherwise (2 Cor. 8:21). And what if your loyalty to the truth of God’s Word would injure you and lying would profit you in some way? What do we do about the emotionally charged and extremely unpopular issues with reference to the way of truth? Do we support the way that is right even though such support is costly? Or do we oppose those who are standing for what is right because in doing this we know that our peers would greatly exalt us in their minds because of such opposition?

“Semper fidelis” – Always faithful, always true. Is it too much to ask that we as brethren be “always faithful” to God, to ourselves and to one another? At the risk of sounding judgmental this writer firmly believes that many of us need to honestly ask ourselves, “What does being faithful actually mean?”

I think right now is the time to get our dust-covered Bibles off the shelf and read carefully Romans 2:21-24. In so doing recognize the benefits of looking at the faults of others from the standpoint of opportunity afforded to look more carefully at ourselves (2 Cor. 13:5).

Guardian of Truth XXXIV: 16, pp. 488-489
August 16, 1990

By David Glenn Price

In Acts 16, Paul and his companion Silas were confined to a dreary Philippian jail, made prisoners for preaching the gospel of freedom and for liberating a slave-girl from a “spirit of divination” (vv. 16-24). As we look in on them at midnight, we do not find them complaining and grumbling, nor do we find that they have forsaken God in despair over their situation. No, we find instead that these two great men of God were praying and singing his wonderful praise.

Suddenly, a mighty earthquake shook the very foundations of the prison house, freeing the prisoners from their chains and flinging open the doors to freedom. The jailer, fearing that his prisoners had seized the chance to escape, was ready to thrust his sword into his belly when a loud cry was heard: “Do yourself no harm, for we are all here!” It was Paul. This jailer’s life would never be the same.

As the jailer fell upon his knees before the two evangelists, only one thought was upon his heart. He asked the question with trembling lips: “What must I do to be saved?” Isn’t it incredible? This pagan soldier, who only moments earlier had been asleep and totally unaware of his soul’s great need, now yearned to know how he could make his life right with his Creator? Here is a man who has just faced death and eternity beyond.

Friend, do you realize that you and I are in the very same situation? Do you realize that we live perched on the edge of forever every day? James tells us that our lives are like vapors, here for just a little while, and then gone (Jas. 4:14). Realizing this, do you continue to live as though you are certain that you will still be alive tomorrow? You may not be (Heb. 9:27). Do you continue to conduct your life as though you will never have to stand before your God and answer for your deeds? You will (2 Cor. 5:10). Do you continue in rebellion to Almighty God as though he will overlook it? He won’t (Rev. 21:8).

How does Paul answer this most important of all questions, “What must I do to be saved?” Were he a student of many modern psychiatrists and psychologists, Paul would have told this jailer to “quit feeling guilty about himself and accept himself for what he was (after all, there really isn’t any such thing as “sin,” is there? Rom. 3:9-18).” Were he a student of many modern religionists, Paul would have told this jailer that it really didn’t matter what he did, because God’s grace would cover him (after all, a truly loving God couldn’t send anyone to hell, could he? Matt. 5:22; 23:33; Lk. 16:23).

But fortunately for the jailer (and for us!) Paul wasn’t a disciple of any of these quacks, but of Jesus Christ; he didn’t spout off a bunch of psychological or theological nonsense, but “spoke the word of the Lord to him” (v. 32). God’s word is able to take away guilt and remove the barrier of sin that separates between you and your God (Isa. 59:2; Rom. 1:16). No matter how enlightened man may get (in his own eyes) or how advanced may be our theories and thoughts, God still today makes foolish the wisdom of the world through the preaching of the cross (1 Cor. 1:18-21). The words of Jeremiah, the prophet of God, still ring true: “I know, O Lord, that a man’s way is not in himself, nor is it in man who walks to direct his steps” (Jer. 10:23). Whatever your problems, your weakness, your sin, God’s way works – take his Book and see how God can turn your life around!

What did the “word of the Lord” tell this jailer to do to be saved? In verse 31, Paul commands him to believe; without such belief, we can never please God (Heb. 11:6). But is that all? Does God require simple mental assent – mere belief in him – for our salvation? If so, prepare to spend eternity in heaven with a lot of demons, because James says that even they believe in God (Jas. 2:19-20)! Do not be deceived! “A man is justified by works and not byJaith alone” (Jas. 2:24, emph. mine DGP). If we read just two verses further in our Acts 16 text, we see that this man’s faith was not a dead, inactive faith, but a living, obeying, saving faith. He was baptized for the remission of his sins (v. 33; Acts 2:38), removing the burden of his guilt and receiving God’s gift of salvation (Eph. 2:8) – and that gift is available to you today!

But don’t wait! If your life is not right with your Lord, don’t hesitate to make it right! Whether you are already God’s child, and the allurements of the world have drawn you away from him; or if you have never put on Christ in baptism – follow the example of the jailer and restore your broken relationship with God this very hour! Verse 33: “He took them that very hour of the night and washed their wounds, and immediately he was baptized” (emph. mine, DGP). What are you waiting for? Most of us, as brother J.R. Bronger says, would be good procrastinators . . . if we didn’t put it off so much! It’s one thing to put off taking out the trash at home, but don’t put off removing the trash from your life, because it starts to pile up – and pretty soon you just get used to the smell. Won’t you make your life right with God who loves you so (Jn. 3:16)?

Guardian of Truth XXXIV: 16, p. 486
August 16, 1990