Truth Magazine

By Harold Fite

“Television is a dominant voice in America, and is a formidable teacher of children” (Eli A. Rubinstein, American Scientist, December 1978).

Children watch approximately 32 hours of TV a week. One fourth to one half of their waking hours are spent watching television. Over 98 percent of American households have at least one television set. A family may not have indoor plumbing, but will have a TV. By the time a child graduates from high school, he or she will have spent more time in front of a television set than in a formal classroom. Sleep is the only thing surpassing television viewing as a time consumer!

The influence of television over our children is tremendous! The networks and some sponsors deny it, but the evidence is overwhelming. Companies would not spend millions of dollars on commercials unless they thought they could influence people to buy their product. Children, on an average hear 400 commercials a week. It influences them on what they wear, eat, and how they entertain themselves. Children are in the process of forming their character and are at an impressionable age. They are great imitators, and they are receiving from TV, values which are directly opposite of those we would want our children to believe in and practice.

Several weeks ago, four young boys sat on a curb in front of the church building shouting obscenities to the passers by. The pleading of adults went unheeded, as more abuse was heaped upon them. Those disrespectful, arrogant, vile youths know that the law protects them, and they dare any adult to lay a hand on them. Seldom does it do any good, to go to the parents. Parents usually rule in favor of their children.

Where do these kids of tender age learn such filthy language? How can one so young be so hard, insensitive, and void of respect for others? Some learn to spew forth profanities from their parents, and others from their peers, but in my judgment the real culprit is television! Producers of TV shows are putting curse words in the mouths of children they are directing. Profanity has increased among children as it has grown and become commonplace in television programing. Children watching TV are treated to a steady diet of four letter words. It becomes “cute,” the “in thing,” and provokes a few laughs, expresses irreverence, and provides a shocking effect on others. And in a perverted way helps to establish one’s independency – a “don’t care attitude.” It’s smart and gets attention. Many of the phrases are identical with those heard in movie houses and on television. One can’t constantly take this trash into the mind without being affected.

The influence of TV cannot be limited to bad language. What about violence? Is there a relationship between television and aggressive behavior? Experimental studies support the view that viewing violence increases the likelihood of children engaging in aggressive behavior.

If we have encountered violence, we know it is to be more sickening than thrilling, but simulated violence is dramatic, exciting, and entertaining. Children may find it difficult to distinguish between fact and fiction. It encourages our children to perceive as normal and real that which fits the established fantasies of our society. Actual crimes have been committed as a result of seeing it on TV.

Television also presents a distorted view of sex. It encourages sexual immorality. That which is pure becomes harsh, hurtful, and manipulative. It glorifies sex among the unmarried and presents it as the norm. Children are even used in sexual scenes. Homosexuality is dignified.

Dr. W. Cody Wilson, past executive director of the U.S. Commission on Obscenity and Pornography, after seeing most studies on the subject, concluded that “there is a positive connection between moral depravity and pornography.” A man in Chicago, after seeing a sexually stimulating movie, and having dragged his victim off the street and into an alley, said, “I had to rape somebody!”

A 17-year-old in Atlanta, standing over the nude, stabbed, dead body of a 24-year-old woman confessed that he had committed the crime, down to the last detail, of a movie he had seen two weeks previously.

Parents are not immune to the influential power of television. It has changed parents’ concept relative to rearing children. The TV has become the baby-sitter, the magic storyteller, and the educational and entertainment center. Children are treated like adults, left to make difficult decisions they are incapable of making. Discipline is not maintained. Parents have accepted the sexual permissiveness of their children. Sex among unmarried children is recognized as normal by the parents (even providing pregnancy preventatives for their children). Homosexuality is accepted as an alternate life style. Families no longer eat together, and when meals are consumed it is in front of the TV. Materialism is stressed and the Bible and religion are ridiculed. All of the above and myriads of other things have appeared on family oriented shows. True moral values are being compromised and undermined while “brain-washed” parents, not only allow it to happen, but being mesmerized by the power of television, contribute to it.

A child may not curse, become promiscuous, or go out and kill someone because of watching TV, but I am concerned with the gradual conditioning effect it has on them. It becomes a part of the whole picture of what we think. It effects how we view people and things. Sin becomes no longer exceedingly sinful. We cease to be outraged by it. It desensitizes us. Children have a basic need for protection from these adverse influences of television and parents must fulfill that need.

The cliche, “garbage in – garbage out,” applies here. We are to protect our hearts from anything that would pollute our minds. “For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Psa. 23:7). Evil comes from the heart, and out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Matt. 12:34,35; 15:1619). To think evil is to be evil (Gen. 6:15). To think good is to be good (Phil. 4:8). The Devil knows that if he can control our mind – he has us! We are to keep our heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life (Prov. 4:23).

Parents have a responsibility to their children to regulate TV viewing. It is destroying the moral fiber of our youth. Parents must know when to turn the set off and have the courage to do so. We would not bring alcoholic beverages into our homes, or allow visitors to use vulgar language, commit acts of violence, nor allow fornication under our roof. Yet all these things are brought into the home by way of television.

Parents must limit the time for TV viewing, and determine the content of the program to be seen. I will not presume to make guidelines for others, but whether you limit your children to one hour viewing per day and two on Saturday and Sunday, or some other plan, regulating the viewing time and content is a must.

Television does affect behavior. Control the TV!

Guardian of Truth XXXIII: 12, pp. 370-371
June 15, 1989

By Sewell Hall

There is no magic formula which will guarantee spiritually minded children. Spiritual-mindedness is the result of allowing the Spirit rather than the flesh to control one’s life. It involves spiritual values, spiritual goals, spiritual attitudes and spiritual conduct in all relationships. The decision to “walk in the Spirit” is one that each individual must make for himself; parents cannot make it for their children. “So then each of us shall give account of himself to God” (Rom. 14:12).

This is not to say, however, that parents are without influence in determining the choice their children will make. Theirs is the opportunity to be the greatest influence of all, but this opportunity must be seized and guarded or it will be lost.

Parents Must Be Spiritually Minded

Children are much more likely to become what their parents are than what they claim to be. Children see behind the facades that parents erect for the outside world to see. They know what their parents really are – their real motivations, their real affections, their real attitudes, their real goals. When parents are seen to be truly spiritual in these things, their teaching will be effective; but when parents try to teach children to be what they are not, their teaching is not only ineffective, it is repulsive and repelling.

Children do not expect spiritual perfection in their parents but they do (and have a right to) expect sincerity in pureuit of perfection. When spiritually minded parents do fail,. they humbly confess their failure rather than rationalizing their mistakes. Rationalizing carnality, under any circumstances destroys respect for spirituality and sets a precedent for rationalization by the child when he is carnal.

Parents Must Purpose Spiritual-Mindedness

Spiritually minded parents understand that spiritual-mindedness is the only truly essential goal to be achieved in the rearing of their children. Since God’s purpose in creating them is that they might “be conformed to the image of his Son” (Rom. 8:29), this alone will determine their success or failure in life; and this alone will determine their eternal destiny.

Rather than harboring a pessimistic faithless resignation to the probability that a child will be overwhelmed by the godless influences of this generation, parents must determine before the child is born, even as did Hannah, that “I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life” (1 Sam. 1:11). Though humbly stated, theirs must be the sentiment of Joshua: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Josh. 24:15).

Such a goal must remain before parents constantly. It is not enough to write it on the front page of a Bible or to display it as a plaque on the nursery wall. It must govern every decision that will affect the child.

This goal is not easy to maintain. Our children are under constant pressure from their peers to conform to “this world” and they in turn put pressure on us for decisions that will permit it. We do not like to deny them any pleasure and we do not want to see them suffer embarrassment. Furthermore, our own pride may so delight to see them popular or successful in the eyes of the world that our decisions regarding their dress, their entertainment or their companionships will be affected by it. We may cherish so highly the reflected glory of their performances on the athletic field or on the stage that we will agree to their participation in activities and groups (and even finance their education in colleges) where spiritual influences are almost nonexistent and negative influences prevail. It is easy to think that just one decision will not make that much difference, but rearing children is a day-to-day and decision-by-decision process. We cannot afford to make even one choice that does not reflect our goal of spiritual-mindedness. We may not always be able to determine what our children do, but we can determine what they do with our approval.

Parents Must Train for Spiritual-Mindedness

It is important that children know from their very infancy what goals their parents have in mind for them. They must know that they are sanctified to a special role in life – the service of God. They learn this, not simply by being told, but by seeing this purpose in their parents’ decisions and by seeing the reactions of parents to their conduct. In early life especially, children look to their parents for approval and they learn quickly what pleases them most. When they see that parents are more pleased with accomplishments of a spiritual nature than with those of an academic, social, or athletic nature, they know what their parents really value. Parents cannot and should not make all the decisions for their children. Mature individuals are “those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil” (Heb. 5:14). Parents must oversee and guide the use of those senses. This means very early helping the child to face decisions with the question, “What would God want me to do?” More often than we would expect, the child comes to a right conclusion. This is the time to praise the child for his decision and to encourage implementation of it. Then when the child does what is right, commend him heartily. It is urgent that we give the child full credit for making the decision and let his reward be the favor of God. If the child makes a wrong decision, of course, we may have to veto his choice and tell him that there are some things in God’s word that he doesn’t yet understand, but that someday he will understand and be glad he let his parents guide him, since that is also God’s will. This is far better than shouting at a child, “You do it because I said to!”

Parents Must Control Influences

If spiritual-mindedness is control of the mind by the spirit rather than by the flesh, then parents must control the influeces that mold the thinking of their children – “as he thinketh in his heart so is he” (Prov. 23:7). Such control must be both negative and positive. There must be a careful effort to prevent the child from absorbing carnality through television, movies, music, books, magazines, and, above all things, companions. This will demand self-discipline in parents and constant vigilance and even some “policing” of the children. We must not suppose, however, that this alone will secure our children against carnality. – We must surround them with spiritual influences so that there will never be a vacuum calling for fleshly satisfaction.

First and foremost must be the Holy Spirit’s influence through the word. It is not incidental that Paul could write to so fine a young man as Timothy and say to him, “From childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ” (2 Tim. 3:15). Reading Bible stories to children is a good beginning. Then as they grow older, parents need to read and discuss the Scriptures with them. If you begin early enough, they will love the attention and later treasure the memories.

If there is to be a television in the home, it should be in a family room where parents know what is being watched at 0 times. Wholesome educational and entertaining programs can be watched together as a family; other use should be severely limited. See that good reading material is available in the form of good books and wholesome magazines for children. From infancy, let them hear good records and tapes of hymns, Bible reading, and good sermons being played in the home, as well as good wholesome secular music. Any parent who considers these suggestions burdensome, needs to go back and read the earlier discussion of the necessity of being spiritual ourselves.

Teaching done by the church can be a significant help to parents. Parents should use their influence in the church to encourage good Bible teaching and then support it by seeing that the children are present and that lessons are well prepared. In addition to what they learn from classes, children can learn from sermons. Enroute home, parents can pass the time by asking children about the preacher’s sermon. Commend them highly for every right answer. Take advantage, too, of gospel meetings in neighboring congregations. At an early age when children like to go with their parents, a tradition of attending gospel meetings can be formed. What a joy it is to see whole families even taking journeys of several miles to hear the gospel and meet with brethren!

Good friends are a major factor in spirituality. Parents should make whatever sacrifice is necessary to see that their children visit and entertain other children from spiritually oriented homes. You can even share your own Christian friends with your children. When you have gospel preachers or other spiritually minded Christians in your home for dinner, include the children at the table and in conversations. Christlike men and women have time for children, but the relationship must be formed while they are small. Our children consider several gospel preachers and their wives among their closest friends. When they are a little uncertain about advice their parents are giving them and turn to such friends for counsel, how can we object? And how can we express fully to such men and women, our gratitude for their help?

Parents Must Pray

Finally, if our children are to be spiritually minded, prayer must be offered daily for the help which God alone can give. Let the children hear you pray, asking this above all things. Teach them to pray for it. It will affect your own attitudes; it will keep this goal before the children; but most of all, it is the means by which you can obtain the help God has promised. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him” (Jas. 1:5).

Guardian of Truth XXXIII: 12, pp. 362-363
June 15, 1989

By J. Wiley Adams

There is considerable sensitivity surrounding the subject this writer has been assigned. Many mothers have a tendency to take issue with any sermons or material presented on the subject. Not a few husbands will join their wives in taking exception to such teaching. Would it surprise you if we were to declare that many of these sensitive people are preachers, elders, deacons, and their spouses? Why is this so unless such instruction strikes a nerve somewhere and it is possible that we have indeed hit “pay dirt” as it relates to the matter under discussion?

Let us further state, before going into the matter at hand, that we are not against working mothers. That is not the issue. Properly modified, all mothers as well as fathers, ought to work. What we are really discussing is the effect, or impact, it has on our children when mothers work outside the home environment. Do they have a right to do so? I believe, personally, that there are some allowable circumstances that would not only permit a mother to work outside the home, at times she might even be required to do so. All of this being true, it does not mitigate against the basic role of mothers in the home, which is to be “keepers at home” as required in Titus 2:5.

Under the headship of her husband, who is charged with the responsibility of providing for his family, she is to “guide the household” (Eph. 5:22,23; 1 Tim. 5:8,14). This requirement is always true whether there are children or not and whether they may be at home, in college, or married and moved away. It is also true when there is just a husband and wife left in the home.

The truth of the matter is this. Many mothers works outside the home for no better reason than that they elect to. Evidently some do not concern themselves with whether or not it is right for them to do so. Career women are the order of the day and for some mothers in the church a business career is their top priority. Such are in need of getting their priorities straight.

When mothers leave the home to hold down a secular job without due cause, they put a strain on the whole household. A favorite excuse is “we need the money.” But very often that is not the case. What about the children and her husband? Small children particularly need their mother in the home. But, we rush them on through life and put them into day care centers or hire a baby sitter and often pay more out for such services than the wife brings home in her paycheck. The children are put on the regimented schedule, as is the rest of the family. Such schedules can be hectic and nerve-wracking for all concerned. Instead of the home being a place of security, warmth, and well-being, the very opposite is true. This virtually makes the home a “filling station” with self-service and somewhat a “bed and breakfast” affair (if indeed there is any breakfast). In the case of school-aged children, very often they have to get themselves off to school as best they can. Many leave an empty house and have to return to the same house which is still empty. Mom and Dad are both gone. Such children are provided a house key and have been properly named “latch-key children.” It is not good for the children to be at home by themselves. For one thing, it is lonely and depressing. For another it is unsafe. They are wide open to all kinds of dangers, including child molestation, assault, robbery, and so on.

For still another reason it allows them to have too much latitude in what they may choose to do. With no supervision they may elect to go down the street to visit friends (good or otherwise), they might go up to the mall and “hang around” with the bunch or waste their quarters on the video games. They might decide to invite some “friends” over to the house for trial smoking, drinking, drugging or sexual experimentation. Not a few illegitimate children have been conceived in one of the bedrooms of such a home (?). Under such circumstances, with no supervision, one can only hope that some spiritual training has come through and that they will respond to such.

A further consideration is that of the TV and VCR which most homes have. In the case of the TV, there may be several around the house. They have free reign to turn on anything they want to. We well know that much of what is shown on TV these days is not fit to see. With the introduction of the VCR, rented films are part of the pattern in many homes. The children can rent these either themselves or through a friend and can gain access to pornographic-type material as easily as buying a comic book. You say, “Well, my children are not that kind. We have never had any trouble with them. ” It is to be hoped that this is true. However, this is simplistic and ignores the circumstances. Small children and teenagers need a mother in the home to keep things running smoothly and to give the children a sense of security that all is well. A mother who is unwilling to provide this for her children is scarcely the mother the Scriptures talk about.

Then there is the after work hustle. Stop by the store, go get the children from the sitter or daycare center, rush home, get out the quick food, put on a load of clothes, take a shower, to relax, husband comes in, things are a three-ring circus, the children begin to wish the parents had not come home with all the confusion. Things are piled up around the house, everybody does his own thing (as they say), and on and on it goes. Sound familiar?

Many families never sit down all at the same time for a leisurely meal. One writer of women’s books recommends that a mother should provide a home-cooked meal “at least once a week.” We can do without that kind of advice. The table serves not only as a time for the meal but can be a bonding time for the whole family. It can be a special time for togetherness. Children can put such times in their memory banks as a time, to be cherished. Alas, quite often, mealtime is a nightmare of nervous excitement and pressure to hurry up and get finished so we can clean the table off and wash the dishes. Is it any wonder that many children get ulcers? Surely you have heard the fad-talk these days about something called, “quality-time” and “quantity-time. ” We have borrowed such phrases from sociologists, psychologists and humanistic counselors. Just what are they talking about? Making appointments to be together destroys the spontaneity that should characterize such time regardless of the amount of time under consideration. Brethren, something is wrong when families have to make appointments to be together. Togetherness ought not to be a stereotyped, just this amount of time and no more type of thing. I can never recall my parents setting up an appointment with the children to be together. But, boy, did we have togetherness! It just happened because my Dad made the living and Mama stayed home and kept things going. We had all kinds of time together in the normal course of a properly operated home. When we have our priorities right, mothers being keepers at home, guiding the household, fathers providing the family income, families together at mealtime, working together, performing tasks together, just all being Christians together, praying together, studying together, laughing together, caring, sharing, dear friends, you have a combination that cannot be improved upon. This is because it is God’s arrangement.

Mothers, your children need you at home. Be available when they need you. There can be no substitute for the guiding hand of a godly mother working in conjunction with her husband in the best interest of the home as God would have it to be. Emergency, sickness of a husband, widowhood with children, etc. are the exceptions. We are talking about the rule, not extenuating circumstances. Mothers in Christ, we beg you to think about all we have written here. You know it is right.

Guardian of Truth XXXIII: 12, pp. 366-367
June 15, 1989

By Irven Himmel

During their teen years most boys and girls begin dating. A “date” is a social engagement between persons of the opposite sex. It is an association reflecting personal interest.

The age for one to begin dating depends on several variables. No doubt some youngsters have begun much too early, being totally unprepared to cope with certain problems and too immature to be aware of dangers. The maturity of the people involved must be taken into account. Parents need good judgment and common sense in evaluating a youngster’s readiness for dating. Some who are old enough to date may not be interested in getting acquainted with available dating partners.

Some parents prefer that a son or daughter “double” date until a greater degree of maturity is reached. This may offer advantages provided the other couple are the right kind of people. The wisdom and advice of parents can help a teenager to avoid pitfalls, especially in the early stages of dating.

Design, Direction and Dangers

Interest in dating denotes that boys and girls are growing up. Mental and social barriers begin to topple. Boys who have regarded girls as “yucky” suddenly find them interesting and attractive. Girls start doing things, some perhaps a bit silly, to catch the eye of the boy.

Dating can be a time of wholesome enjoyment. Even if the date is primarily for a school function, such as a program, a ball game, or a tournament, it can be a pleasant occasion. Dating enables friendships to be cultivated. Young people get to know each other. Insight is gained into temperaments and interests, values and outlooks. Dating is a means of social improvement.

Parents are wise to set a time when their son or daughter must be home. The curfew hour should be reasonable and adhered to unless there are extenuating circumstances. Parents have the right to expect their offspring to be at home at a certain hour. Young people have the right to expect parental guidance. If an emergency arises or there is an unexpected delay in getting home, a telephone call can put the minds of parents at ease. I recall an occasion when our older son was out one night, the curfew hour came, and he had not returned. An hour later his mother and I were becoming quite concerned. Always before he had called to explain if he might be running late. Eventually the phone rang and he explained that he was at the home of a girl whose father was a Baptist preacher, a lively religious discussion was going on, and he had not been able to break away to get to the phone. We felt that the circumstances merited leniency on our part, so he arrived home much, much later than the curfew hour. Mutual respect for and communication aid both parents and teenagers in setting and enforcing dating regulations.

Some kinds of dating definitely are dangerous. It is never smart to go out with someone who has a bad reputation. No matter how handsome the guy is, or how lovely the girl’s figure, dating someone with a bad reputation is an invitation to trouble. Blind dating is equally perilous. Agreeing to go out with someone about whom one knows nothing carries tremendous risk.

Too much dating too soon is not good. Some young people are so busy dating that they have no time to study, no real interest in their own families, and precious little concern about anything else. Youth must realize that a teenager’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the dates which one getteth!

Courtship

Going steady is normal after a boy or girl have gotten serious about each other. It implies a degree of attachment that is more than casual. Dating turns into courtship when either the boy or girl focuses on attracting the attention of the other in a romantic manner. Consider the critical character of courtship: (1) The individual is personally responsible for conduct in situations beyond parental supervision. Not many generations ago courting nearly always was done when chaperons were present. The climate has changed. Courting couples are granted the liberty of privacy in today’s society. (2) Courtship calls for coping with strong emotions and drives with which one may have little or no experience in handling. (3) Courting brings one to the threshold of marriage – one of life’s most important relationships. Many marriages do not last because the courtship was far more emotional than rational, more physical than spiritual, more superficial than meaningful.

Dating and courting as the means of choosing one’s spouse is a social practice primarily of Western culture. Consequently, the topic of this article is not a Bible subject. Marriage is a Bible study. A study of preparation for marriage, along with the procedures and techniques that generally lead to marriage, deserves candid consideration in the light of Bible principles.

Principle of Purity

The conduct of a young person who is a Christian must be governed by basic Bible truths when dating. For example, the Bible says, “Keep thyself pure” (1 Tim. 5:22). Everyone, old and young alike, having the hope of living eternally with the Lord, must be pure (1 Jn. 3:3). Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God” (Matt. 5:8). The heart and conduct must be pure when dating. Whatever pollutes the mind and corrupts the morals is wrong.

A courting couple naturally seeks to show affection one toward the other. This brings up the matter that has been identified by various names – sparking, spooning, petting, necking, etc. Physical displays of affections such as holding hands, caressing, kissing, hugging in close embrace, and stroking one another’s bodies do more than show affection; they excite and stimulate sexual feelings that can get out of control. Purity of heart gives way to sensuality. Sexual passion is one of the strongest desires. The next step is sexual gratification, and for people not married to each other that is fornication.

Pre-marital sex is common in today’s society in America. It is openly encouraged and endorsed by some as normal, natural, and psychologically beneficial. Birth control pills and devices are freely dispensed. Inhibitions are ridiculed as superstitious taboos belonging to the unenlightened past.

Young people who believe in God and respect his word cannot throw off self-restraint. Sexual relations are reserved for marriage in God’s plan. “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Heb. 13:4). Fornication is “illicit sexual intercourse.” The dictionary defines it as “human sexual intercourse other than between a man and his wife.” Fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor 6:9, 10). The Bible says, “Flee fornication” (1 Cor. 6:18).

Some young people take the attitude that “anything goes” on a date. Their main object is to “turn each other on.” Once turned on, the next step is to “go all the way.” They are totally lacking in self-discipline and in morality. There is absolutely no purity in this kind of relationship. To them dating is an occasion for lust, lewdness, lasciviousness, and fornication.

Choices to Consider

God-fearing young people must make some important choices in dating. (1) Be selective about the character of the person who might be dated, There should be appreciation of moral and spiritual values. Do not date someone that you know is going to pressure you to destroy your values. (2) Be careful about what is done while on a date. Plan places to go and things to do so that an enjoyable time can be had without an embarrassing or compromising situation. (3) Determine the boundaries for romantic involvement. Don’t get caught off guard. Stick by your standards. (4) Take plenty of time in deciding how you really feel about your companion. And don’t forget to pray for God’s help in choosing your mate for life.

The teen years can be happy, wonderful growing up years. Dating can and should be an exciting and pleasant part of preparing for later life. Keep a cool head. Treat your escort with utmost respect. Above all, do not let drives and emotions get out of control. A date could become an awful tragedy, a nightmare that will haunt the memory for the remainder of life.

Guardian of Truth XXXIII: 12, pp. 371-372
June 15, 1989