Truth Magazine

By Irven Himmel

During their teen years most boys and girls begin dating. A “date” is a social engagement between persons of the opposite sex. It is an association reflecting personal interest.

The age for one to begin dating depends on several variables. No doubt some youngsters have begun much too early, being totally unprepared to cope with certain problems and too immature to be aware of dangers. The maturity of the people involved must be taken into account. Parents need good judgment and common sense in evaluating a youngster’s readiness for dating. Some who are old enough to date may not be interested in getting acquainted with available dating partners.

Some parents prefer that a son or daughter “double” date until a greater degree of maturity is reached. This may offer advantages provided the other couple are the right kind of people. The wisdom and advice of parents can help a teenager to avoid pitfalls, especially in the early stages of dating.

Design, Direction and Dangers

Interest in dating denotes that boys and girls are growing up. Mental and social barriers begin to topple. Boys who have regarded girls as “yucky” suddenly find them interesting and attractive. Girls start doing things, some perhaps a bit silly, to catch the eye of the boy.

Dating can be a time of wholesome enjoyment. Even if the date is primarily for a school function, such as a program, a ball game, or a tournament, it can be a pleasant occasion. Dating enables friendships to be cultivated. Young people get to know each other. Insight is gained into temperaments and interests, values and outlooks. Dating is a means of social improvement.

Parents are wise to set a time when their son or daughter must be home. The curfew hour should be reasonable and adhered to unless there are extenuating circumstances. Parents have the right to expect their offspring to be at home at a certain hour. Young people have the right to expect parental guidance. If an emergency arises or there is an unexpected delay in getting home, a telephone call can put the minds of parents at ease. I recall an occasion when our older son was out one night, the curfew hour came, and he had not returned. An hour later his mother and I were becoming quite concerned. Always before he had called to explain if he might be running late. Eventually the phone rang and he explained that he was at the home of a girl whose father was a Baptist preacher, a lively religious discussion was going on, and he had not been able to break away to get to the phone. We felt that the circumstances merited leniency on our part, so he arrived home much, much later than the curfew hour. Mutual respect for and communication aid both parents and teenagers in setting and enforcing dating regulations.

Some kinds of dating definitely are dangerous. It is never smart to go out with someone who has a bad reputation. No matter how handsome the guy is, or how lovely the girl’s figure, dating someone with a bad reputation is an invitation to trouble. Blind dating is equally perilous. Agreeing to go out with someone about whom one knows nothing carries tremendous risk.

Too much dating too soon is not good. Some young people are so busy dating that they have no time to study, no real interest in their own families, and precious little concern about anything else. Youth must realize that a teenager’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the dates which one getteth!

Courtship

Going steady is normal after a boy or girl have gotten serious about each other. It implies a degree of attachment that is more than casual. Dating turns into courtship when either the boy or girl focuses on attracting the attention of the other in a romantic manner. Consider the critical character of courtship: (1) The individual is personally responsible for conduct in situations beyond parental supervision. Not many generations ago courting nearly always was done when chaperons were present. The climate has changed. Courting couples are granted the liberty of privacy in today’s society. (2) Courtship calls for coping with strong emotions and drives with which one may have little or no experience in handling. (3) Courting brings one to the threshold of marriage – one of life’s most important relationships. Many marriages do not last because the courtship was far more emotional than rational, more physical than spiritual, more superficial than meaningful.

Dating and courting as the means of choosing one’s spouse is a social practice primarily of Western culture. Consequently, the topic of this article is not a Bible subject. Marriage is a Bible study. A study of preparation for marriage, along with the procedures and techniques that generally lead to marriage, deserves candid consideration in the light of Bible principles.

Principle of Purity

The conduct of a young person who is a Christian must be governed by basic Bible truths when dating. For example, the Bible says, “Keep thyself pure” (1 Tim. 5:22). Everyone, old and young alike, having the hope of living eternally with the Lord, must be pure (1 Jn. 3:3). Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God” (Matt. 5:8). The heart and conduct must be pure when dating. Whatever pollutes the mind and corrupts the morals is wrong.

A courting couple naturally seeks to show affection one toward the other. This brings up the matter that has been identified by various names – sparking, spooning, petting, necking, etc. Physical displays of affections such as holding hands, caressing, kissing, hugging in close embrace, and stroking one another’s bodies do more than show affection; they excite and stimulate sexual feelings that can get out of control. Purity of heart gives way to sensuality. Sexual passion is one of the strongest desires. The next step is sexual gratification, and for people not married to each other that is fornication.

Pre-marital sex is common in today’s society in America. It is openly encouraged and endorsed by some as normal, natural, and psychologically beneficial. Birth control pills and devices are freely dispensed. Inhibitions are ridiculed as superstitious taboos belonging to the unenlightened past.

Young people who believe in God and respect his word cannot throw off self-restraint. Sexual relations are reserved for marriage in God’s plan. “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Heb. 13:4). Fornication is “illicit sexual intercourse.” The dictionary defines it as “human sexual intercourse other than between a man and his wife.” Fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor 6:9, 10). The Bible says, “Flee fornication” (1 Cor. 6:18).

Some young people take the attitude that “anything goes” on a date. Their main object is to “turn each other on.” Once turned on, the next step is to “go all the way.” They are totally lacking in self-discipline and in morality. There is absolutely no purity in this kind of relationship. To them dating is an occasion for lust, lewdness, lasciviousness, and fornication.

Choices to Consider

God-fearing young people must make some important choices in dating. (1) Be selective about the character of the person who might be dated, There should be appreciation of moral and spiritual values. Do not date someone that you know is going to pressure you to destroy your values. (2) Be careful about what is done while on a date. Plan places to go and things to do so that an enjoyable time can be had without an embarrassing or compromising situation. (3) Determine the boundaries for romantic involvement. Don’t get caught off guard. Stick by your standards. (4) Take plenty of time in deciding how you really feel about your companion. And don’t forget to pray for God’s help in choosing your mate for life.

The teen years can be happy, wonderful growing up years. Dating can and should be an exciting and pleasant part of preparing for later life. Keep a cool head. Treat your escort with utmost respect. Above all, do not let drives and emotions get out of control. A date could become an awful tragedy, a nightmare that will haunt the memory for the remainder of life.

Guardian of Truth XXXIII: 12, pp. 371-372
June 15, 1989

By L.A. Stauffer

A distant and rather casual acquaintance is now divorced for a second time and dates a young woman who, like himself, has the morals of an animal. When he invites her to spend the night, the two sleep together as though they had been united by God as “one flesh.”

What, then, was this father to say to his daughter when recently she returned home from college with a boyfriend and requested that she and the lad sleep in her “old room”? He could be nothing but agreeable. He gave his consent and the daughter walked that night in the footsteps of her father.. Although this is a father-daughter relationship, it fits the principle of the proverb – “As is the mother, so is her daughter” (Ezek. 16:44). Or, in other words of a modern saying, “Like father, like son.”

The moral problems of today may not be so much the failure of youth as they are the degeneration of parents. And I suspect that may have always been true. Society is full of self-indulgent, unrestrained, greedy, dishonest, immoral, drug-addicted, lust-driven, irreligious, irresponsible parents who are wringing their hands and wondering aloud “What’s the matter with today’s kids?” The day fathers and mothers control their own urges and set godly, examples before their children, that day the problems of youth will be severely reduced.

Before, as citizens in the kingdom of heaven, parents pass this off as a problem for the world, let them look at families in Christ and calculate how much infidelity, divorce, greed, worldly pleasure, immorality, and religious indifference abounds among them. Let them frankly look at how many of their young people are being caught up in the swirl of the world and are forsaking all commitment to God. And, then, let them ask themselves how much “parental example” is responsible for this fact.

The importance of example must be stressed in any leadership role – whether that leader is the Lord, an apostle, an elder, an evangelist, or a parent. Jesus knew this and set before his disciples an “example that ye should follow in his steps” (1 Pet. 2:21). An apostle urged the brethren he taught, “Be ye imitators of me, even as I also am of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1). That same apostle said to a group of elders to “take heed unto yourselves” and to a young evangelist, “take heed to thyself’ (Acts 20:28; 1 Tim. 4:16). These orders coincide with elders’ responsibility to make 46yourselves ensamples to the flock” and the evangelist’s role to “be thou an example to them that believe, in word, in manner of life, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Pet. 5:3; 1 Tim. 4:16,12).

How can any teacher, including the Lord himself, expect his students to exceed the righteousness of his own behavior? So it will be with parents who hold the most intimate teaching role commissioned in life – the nurturing of their children in the “chastening and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).

Parents who trivialize or minimize the role of example need to read the list of kings who ruled the kingdom of Israel and Judah after the nation divided. Of the many father-son kings who led those ancient tribes, few avoided the evils of their fathers who ultimately corrupted the two nations with idolatry and immorality. Over and over again the Scriptures record: “And he did that which was evil in the sight of Jehovah, and walked in the way of his father, and in his sin where with he made Israel to sin” (1 Kgs. 15:26). Why should parents today think it will be any different with their children if they walk in sin?

A classic example is the partiality Isaac and Rebekah showed their sons – Isaac toward Esau and Rebekah toward Jacob. Isaac loved Esau, who was a hunter, because he ate of the venison his son brought from the field. Jacob was a quiet boy who stayed around the house and became the darling of his mother (see Gen. 25:27-34). Rebekah went to great lengths, even deception, to see that Jacob received the birthright and the blessings of the firstborn. It is, therefore, no accident that as a parent Jacob himself showed partiality. What he learned from the example of his mother he practiced toward his favorite son Joseph (Gen. 37:3). Teaching children righteousness is a basic parental responsibility (Prov. 1:8; Eph. 6:4), but that instruction is easily obscured by unrighteous examples they set as fathers and mothers. The essence of the problem is captured by an unknown author in the following poem:

The Bad Example

He whipped his boy for lying,

And his cheeks were flaming red,

And of course there’s no denying

There was truth in what he said

That a liar’s always hated.

But the little fellow knew

That his father often stated

Many things that were untrue.

He caught the youngster cheating

And he sent him to bed,

And it’s useless now repeating

All the bitter things he said,

He talked of honor loudly,

As a lesson to be learned,

And forgot he’s boasted proudly

Of the cunning tricks he’s turned.

He heard the youngster swearing

And he punished him again

He’d have no boy as daring

As to utter words profane.

Yet the youngster could have told him,

Poor misguided elf,

That is seemed unfair to scold him

When he often curses, himself.

All in vain is splendid preaching,

And the noble things we say,

All our task is wasted teaching

If we do not lead the way

We can never, by reviewing

All the sermons on the shelves,

Keep the younger hands from doing

What we often do ourselves.

Let’s be specific, brethren. Parents who refuse to deny ungodly lusts and who five unholy lives should not be amazed that their children devote themselves to carnal appetites. Parents find pleasure in “sexplicit” movies and TV shows that use crude language and make light of morality – then wonder why their kids dress immodestly, tell suggestive or filthy jokes, and turn up pregnant or father a child before they graduate from high school. How can fathers and mothers who use the Lord’s name in vain, gossip, lie, deceive, and shout angry invectives at family members expect something different from their children? Unforgiving attitudes, refusal to acknowledge wrongs, unwillingness to apologize, physical abuse and constant nagging are unhealthy qualities that children frequently see for the first time in the home.

To make a bad situation worse these same parents show no genuine interest in spiritual activities. They assemble only sporadically with the saints – skipping services when on vacation, missing a night of the gospel meeting to bowl, and urging the kids to do homework or attend school functions on Wednesday night. Many fathers and mothers could not tell you the last time they read the Bible as a family, had an evening prayer together around the coffee table, or discussed the problems of evolution or the immoral implications of values clarification that are inculcated into the kids’ minds at school. And few children have ever seen their parents visit the elderly, mow the yard of a shut-in, or take food to widow or widower who is sick in bed.

Brethren, what God expects of parents he commended in his faithful servant Abraham. “For I have known him to the end that he commanded his children and his household after him, that they may keep the way of Jehovah, to do righteousness and justice” (Gen. 18:19). The ancient patriarch ordered his family to follow him in the paths of righteousness. Any leader, whether Abraham, Jesus Christ, or Gandhi, can command a crowd of followers, even his family, when he himself walks where he instructs them to walk. Fathers and mothers undermine the job of commanding their households “to do righteousness” when they refuse to walk that way themselves. Joshua spoke for himself as well as his family when he said: “Choose you this day whom ye will serve . . . but as for me and my house, we will serve Jehovah” (Josh. 24:15).

The apostle Paul illustrates this important principle in the life of his most dedicated son in the gospel. Of Timothy the apostle spoke glowingly: “For I have no man like-minded, who will care truly for your state. For they all seek their own, not the things of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 2:20,21). The explanation of Timothy’s unselfishness, according to the apostle, is found in the lives of his grandmother and mother. The “unfeigned faith” that was in the evangelist, Paul says, “dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice” (2 Tim. 1:5). Timothy had been a witness of sincere faith and devotion to God in the intimacy of his home and it paid its dues in his own life. He was the one co-worker that Paul could trust – unreservedly.

Institutionalism, denominationalism, and modernism ripped asunder the body of Christ in the ’50s, ’60s, and ’70s, but the cares, pleasures, and riches of this world are gnawing away at the “unfeigned faith” of brethren in the ’80s. Husbands are working two jobs to keep up with the Joneses, mothers are leaving children in day-care centers to further careers or pay for vans and boats, and neither the parents nor the children have the slightest inclination to fill out a few simple questions for the Sunday Bible class. Family time is consumed with daddy’s golf, momma’s bowling and shopping, the kids’ soccer and little league, and family “devotionals” to Cosby, Roseanne, and Mr. Belvedere.

The “unfeigned faith” that children are seeing is trust in the American way – the way of greed, instant gratification with things and pleasure, and the security of CDs and IRAs. Trust in God, contentment with basic needs, the joy of unselfish service in the kingdom of God, study and memorization of Scriptures, prayer, and interest in the souls of sinners are relics of the past that children of today have seen only with a passing glance. Gone with the departure of “unfeigned faith” in God that a man like Timothy possessed is the spiritual beauty of holiness, godliness, and righteousness. Children no longer see parents adorning their souls with the gospel of faith, hope, and love – and what they do not see they cannot be expected to practice. The proverbs are still true – “As is the mother, so is her daughter” and “Like father, like son.”

Guardian of Truth XXXIII: 12, pp. 364-365
June 15, 1989

By Robert C. Welch

“A treatise on Morals,” is the first definition of the word ethics, in my dictionary. Honesty, virtue and self-control are excellent moral principles. But they are no more excellent than the moral precept that we engage in profitable labor. That labor may be with the hands, on the assembly line or on the farm. It may be utilizing our mind for bringing about profit for ourselves and for the community. It may be the use of our voices in dealing with others as a way of productive life. It may be working under others, working for self, or in managing the work of others. The work must be good (Eph. 4:28) and must be honorable (Rom. 12:17). But since the beginning of man’s history God has made it a moral or ethical requirement that he work. Before his sin he, with his bride, was told that the garden was to be dressed (Gen. 2:15). After the sin he was told that by the sweat of his face would he eat bread as he toiled (Gen. 3:17-19). The book of Proverbs contains many maxims on the subject. Some of these will be taken as a basis of this study.

Proper Training

“Train up a child in the way he should go. And even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). This is not a treatise on whether or not it is impossible for a child to stray from his training in later years. But it is a maxim to be considered in the training of children. Children must be taught honesty or they should not be expected, by those responsible, to be honest. Children who are not taught that it is morally right and essential that they work, will not understand the reason why they should. And if they are not trained to work, it will be no surprise that they live in idleness.

Home Tasks

Children should be given tasks at home. “Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep; so shall thy poverty come as a robber, and they want as an armed man” (Prov. 6:10,11). They should be taught early that lying in bed half the morning is not an honorable way of life.

The hue and cry of youth is that there is nothing for them to do. They need to go home: wash the dishes, vacuum the floor, pick up the clothes, put in the washing, mow the lawn, clean up the garage, learn to cook and sew, held tend the younger children, rake the leaves; and dozens of things the parents are doing after hard work in the plant or office or school room. Getting into trouble on the street, parking lots, slot machine game places, and such like, can be avoided by being actively engaged in doing the chores which are available at home. Parents are failing, partially at least, in their obligations of training their children when they allow them to be idle gadabouts over town; instead of training them from early childhood that they are expected to work, and giving them household chores to occupy their time and energy.

Pleasure

Children and youth, surely, are not to be deprived of engagement in recreation and pleasures. But they must be made to understand that these are not the basics and goals in life. “He that loveth pleasure shall be a poor man” (Prov. 21:17).

Give the youth the chance and he will always have something of pleasure to do rather than do the chores. Youth need to learn that the time for pleasure is after the chores have been completed. Unless the parents see that this is stressed, children will develop idle and prodigal habits.

These are times that try youth’s souls. There was a time when the boy or girl could come home from school and have their mother to help them direct their afternoon. That day is gone. They come home to an empty house; for the mother is at work. If their friends are not beckoning them to some activity elsewhere, they settle back to TV. The work ethic is a forgotten element in their lives. They go into adulthood, where work is a necessity, and they hate it. They shirk in their jobs, start late without cause, do shoddy work, and use every excuse that comes to mind for taking off. Paul’s admonition is meaningless to them: “Whatsoever ye do, work heartily, as unto the Lord, and not unto men” (Col. 3:23). How has this come about? They were not trained in the work ethic from their childhood. The husband comes home and lies around in idleness till bedtime, doing nothing about helping to keep the home in proper condition. He may, in fact, lie around at home or idle his way at the pool hall, expecting his wife to support him. If the wife is not working away from home she lies around all day without even getting dressed or cleaning up the place, watching soaps or gossiping on the phone. They have not learned the value of the work ethic: “Study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your hands, even as we charge you” (1 Thess. 3:11).

Study Habits

Have you ever seen the child who would become angry about something and begin to destroy everything around? Anything in his path meets the same fate, be it furniture, your private possessions, or his own things. But the person who does not produce is little, or no, better. “He also that is slack in his work is brother to him that is a destroyer” (Prov. 18:9).This principle will apply to study habits. When the father and mother hate their work, showing it by talk and action, they may expect their children to hate their studies. It is an obligation to study, and school is an obligation; and by example they come to hate it. They will do anything they can to skip school, even to the point of dropping out. When they come home, homework is forgotten by the time the books are thrown on the bed or floor. The boy who does not do his homework is brother to him who destroys his lesson. The girl who plays the music box or watches TV instead of getting her homework is sister to the one who tears up her paper.

He who has not developed good study habits will have difficulty settling down to study out his programs and problems with his business or financial matters. The girl who has not developed good study habits will find it hard to be confined to her secretarial duties.

Trained In Skills

History of the Jewish economy informs us that each boy was trained in some skilled trade. Though he may have gone into some other profession in life, or have been so financially secure that he had no particular job; yet he was trained and skilled so that should the need arise he would be able to sustain himself. He was being prepared for uncertain eventualities. This was true of the apostle Paul, so that when the need arose he engaged in tent making (Acts 18:3). He could have been so prepared by the application of a maxim of the wise man: “The sluggard will not plow by reason of the winter; Therefore he shall beg in harvest, and have nothing” (Prov. 20:4).

Young people have gone through high school and college with nothing in mind except to go through school. No occupation, profession or skill has been learned. To a great degree the time, money and effort were wasted. We have grown into a nation of workers with no pride in their work, with no sense of responsibility to work.

Earning Their Way

Young people need to be trained in the importance of earning their way. There is work which they can do, even though not old enough to have regular full-time work. Instead of sitting around,or playing around at nothing on Saturday, he can find a,neighbor’s yard to be mowed or driveway to be cleared of snow. Get him a paper route. A baby sitting job is better than sitting bleary-eyed before the TV with nothing worthwhile to see. The wise man observed:

I went by the rield of the sluggard; And by the vineyard of the man void of understanding; And lo, it was all grown over with thorns, The face thereof was covered with nettles, And the stone wall thereof was broken down. Then I beheld, and considered well; I saw, and received instruction: Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to sleep; So shall thy poverty come as a robber, And thy want as an armed man (Prov. 24:30-34).

Work and Worship

Let neither the youth nor the parents forget that there is something which is of greater importance than work. The church and the gathering for worship and study of the Bible must not be forgotten or neglected as the youth is going about his part-time job. Nor is it to be neglected by the older in order to bring in more substance. We must understand that, I “There is no wisdom nor understanding nor counsel against Jehovah” (Prov. 21:30). This will demand our regular attendance with the saints for worship and study. The man of understanding will not sell truth and wisdom from God’s will and way for the few extra dollar he gets for working when the church is meeting. “Buy the truth, and sell it not; Yea, wisdom and instruction, and understanding” (Prov. 23:23).

A trend is seen of parents encouraging their youngsters to get part-time jobs which bring conflict between work and church or Bible class meetings. When that youth is encouraged to miss Bible study on Wednesday, because his part-time job is in conflict, has that parent thought that it will be easy for the youth to think as an adult when full-time work comes that it will be all right to miss the first day of the week assembly? Yes, teach them to work, but also teach them the importance of their spiritual needs and duties.

The material things which work provides are not to take precedence over the spiritual. Jesus was speaking of such material provisions when he said, “But seek ye first his kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matt. 6:33). We need to have proper order of our priorities. The Lord’s church and righteousness comes before these material things such as food, clothing, houses.

In the midst of our working for these material things we seem to forget another principle. God is to be honored with the fruit of our labor. This principle is beautifully and vividly portrayed in another Proverb: “Honor Jehovah with thy substance, And with the first fruits of all thine increase: So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, And thy vats shall overflow with new wine” (Prov. 3:9,10). The youth is likely to think of an the things he wants to use the wages for in his part-time job, so that he forgets that it is now his duty to make contribution out of that with which he is prospered.

A rhetorical question will help us to put our priorities in their proper perspective and sequence: “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Mk. 8:36) Learn the work ethic well, and put it into practice; but do not permit it to interfere with spiritual things.

Become a Worthy Woman

The majority of the proverbs were addressed especially to men. But the principles apply equally well to the women. The young lady needs to be trained to become the “worthy woman” of Proverbs 31:10-31. There are many other features of this worthiness mentioned in the chapter; but the work ethic stands out. “She worketh willingly with her hands” (v. 13). This Work is not out of poverty or necessity, but is done willingly. She is not forced by slavery to it. She rises early to the management and provision for her household (v. 15). She has not been out partying so late that she has to get up with helter-skelter rush to get to work. Her management is orderly. She is not a lady of leisure, with no business sense. She even deals in real estate to her profit (v. 16). She is not a waster of time and energy; she sees to it that her “merchandise is profitable” (v. 18). She sees that her family is cared for (v. 21). She provides for the rainy day, for the times when circumstances are not good: “She laugheth at the time to come” (v. 25). “She eateth not the bread of idleness” (v. 27).

The young lady who is taught the work ethic, and applies it in her life, is worthy of the acclaim: “Give her of the fruit of her hands; And let her works praise her in the gates” (v. 31).

One major feature in saving our children is teaching and training them in the work ethic. It is a major moral principle.

Guardian of Truth XXXIII: 12, pp. 360-361
June 15, 1989

By Robert W. Goodman

Often old problems are given new names. Peer pressure is a term not in the common versions of the Bible. However the idea is. Peer comes from the Latin par which means “equal.” One’s peers are one’s equals, friends and associates.

This is a timely subject. According to a recent survey of 337 teenagers, 90 percent experienced peer pressure and 80 percent admitted giving in to peer pressure at least weekly, even if it meant doing something they knew was wrong.

Peer pressure is another way of referring to the problem of evil associates. Paul wrote, “Do not be deceived; ‘Evil company corrupts good habits… (1 Cor. 15:33). Such influence was likened to yeast or “leaven” in 1 Corinthians 5:7 – “. . Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump?” (All quotations are from the New King James Version.)

The tempter knows that peer pressure is one of the most effective ways souls can be led to sin. Remember, Adam was led astray through Eve. Peer pressure led Abraham to tell a half-truth on two occasions (Gen. 17:11-20; 20:2-5). Sarah was Abraham’s half-sister, but what he said was told to deceive. Isaac spoke in a similar way and with less basis when he sought to deceive for fear of peer pressure (Gen. 26:7).

Peer pressure led Israel into idolatry and associated sins over and over. Because of such a great danger, God wanted his people to be separate in diet, dress, life and religion. Marriage with unbelieving inhabitants was wisely forbidden by God. Solomon, the wisest man in his time, disregarded this and married many foreign women. In his old age he succumbed to peer pressure (1 Kgs. 11:1-13). So peer pressure is not just a problem of the young.

Peer pressure was involved when Israel came to Samuel and said, “Make for us a king to judge us like all the nations” (1 Sam. 8:5). The prophets had to deal with this problem all during the existence of Israel and Judah.

One of the most sordid examples of peer pressure is told in 2 Samuel 13. David’s son Amnon felt such lust for his half-sister Tamar that he became sick. He knew it was improper for him to do anything to her. However, Amnon had a friend and relative named Jonadab. He was sinister and crafty. Jonadab suggested a hypocritical and diabolical plan by which Amnon could take advantage of his half-sister. Amnon followed the suggestion. The result was he was not happy, he disgraced and ruined the life of his half-sister, hatred was generated in the family, and finally Tamar’s brother Absalom murdered Amnon. David, as a loving father was deeply hurt. All of this because of peer pressure from an evil associate.

Peer pressure can make a wicked person even more wicked. When Ahab became king in Israel he continued “to walk in the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat.” In other words, they continued to have altars and golden calves at Dan and Bethel. Then he married princess Jezebel and was influenced to introduce Baal worship in Israel (1 Kgs. 16:30-33). Peer influence of Jezebel caused him to “provoke the Lord God of Israel to anger” more than all who had been king before him. The Herod to whom John the Baptist preached was a wicked man but he had respect for John, heard him gladly and did many things. He was influenced to have a righteous man murdered because of the influence of his wife, dancing stepdaughter and those who sat with him (Mk. 6:14-27).

We may feel we are so strong that we think peer pressure is no danger to us. Beware! Even one who had been with Jesus for three years, who had healed people, cast out evil spirits, and felt he was so strong nothing could ever turn him aside, succumbed to peer pressure and denied Jesus three times and with an oath and cursing. You can read of Peter’s fall in Matthew 26. We should learn to take heed lest we fall (1 Cor. 10:12).

How to Overcome Peer Pressure

Parents need to teach an individual accountability to the personal, powerful, all-seeing and all-knowing God and Father. We cannot be with our children everywhere and all the time. We must instill the idea that there is One who is always with them who sees and knows (Psa. 139:112). It is evident that Joseph had learned this lesson for when he, as a young, unattached man far from home and loved ones, was enticed by a sinful woman and replied, “How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” (Gen. 39:9) Motorists watch their speed when they know the radar is turned on them. We need to realize that God’s radar is on us all the time.

Each person needs to develop a personal commitment to the loving Savior. Paul wrote, “For the love of Christ constrains us” (2 Cor. 5:14) and “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me” (Gal. 2:20). When Peter denied the Lord, cursed and swore, the thing that overwhelmed him was not that he had rebelled against the Divine law. That which brought him to tears and penitence was a realization that he had hurt the heart of his Savior; he had trampled on his loving heart!

All must come to realize that sin is more than breaking certain abstract rules. It actually grieves the Holy Spirit (Eph. 4:30) who is with and in the child of God. A child will not deliberately choose a course that brings grief to parents that he really loves. The prodigal son was not thinking when he took all and went to live as he pleased in a far country. Later he thought about home, his loving father and how he had grieved him. Sin had no appeal when he thought of the grief he had caused.

Through Bible stories in early life, courage must be developed – a courage that will lead one to stand alone if need be. No finer examples can be found than those of Daniel and his friends (Dan. 3,6).

We must not only root and ground our young people in the fundamentals of faith, we must also see that teaching at home and in Bible classes is directed to the issues they face. They have a lot of peer pressure to smoke, drink, abuse drugs, lie, cheat, dance, fornicate, be immodest, proud and greedy. We live in perilous times. Young people must be led to see men are “lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its powers. And from such people turn away!” (2 Tim. 3:1-5)

Parents must be aware of the friends of their children. Help them to associate with those who will aid them to live better. Be willing to open your home to the friends of your children. In this way you will have some knowledge of your children’s friends and control over their activities.

Newspapers, magazine articles or TV programs can suggest specific things young people must be warned against. The wise man warned his son over and over of dangers which threatened him (Prov. 1:10,11,15; 2:12,16; 4:14,15; 5:8; 13:20; 20:19; 22:24,25; 23:6,20, etc.).

Children must learn actively to work for their own spiritual growth and development. Bible study, prayer, regular attendance in class, worship, and meetings are vital. They must learn to seek the kingdom first (Matt. 6:33).

Parents have far more influence over their children than they may realize. It is vital that a good example be set in all areas of life. The home must be a happy and harmonious haven filled with joy and love. Children must be loved, cared for and properly disciplined. Often peer pressure leads them astray for their home life is not according to God’s plan.

Peer pressure is great, but it can be overcome. Jesus did. The Apostles did. We have help. “I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the wicked one” (1 Jn. 2:14b).

Guardian of Truth XXXIII: 12, pp. 368-369
June 15, 1989