Truth Magazine

By Edward O. Bragwell, Sr.

“Just say, ‘No,”‘ is the anti-drug message being urged upon our nation’s young people. Christian parents need to adapt this message to themselves as they rear their children in an overly permissive society. Godly parents are constantly bombarded by their friends, relatives, and even brethren, to lighten up and be more permissive with their children. Then there are the professional experts (?) with their books, talk shows, etc., giving advice right and left. It makes us wonder if the immature claim that “everyone is doing it” may not be correct. One may discover that “everyone” includes the children of preachers and elders. All of this often causes conscientious parents to wonder if they have sense enough to decide what is best for their children. Thus, they find themselves constantly second-guessing any restrictions they have placed upon their children’s behavior.

Living in an overly permissive society, without being adversely affected by it, is not easy for Christians. Nor is it easy for their children to be the only kids on the block not allowed to do what their peers freely do with the blessing of their parents.

We Can Raise Godly Children

First, young parents need to realize that the challenge to “bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4) can be met today. If it were impossible, then the Lord would not have required it. Nor is it necessary to think that today’s challenge is very much more difficult than that of other generations. Every generation of Christians, beginning with the very first, have had to rear their children “in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation” (Phil. 2:15).

Do you think that the Ephesian fathers had an environment ideally suited for rearing godly children? Do you think that their children were never pressured by their neighbor’s kids?

Ephesus was a pagan city. The temple of the goddess Diana was there (Acts 19:35). Do you think the Ephesian children were totally unaffected by this environment? Do you suppose they were never pressured by peers to attend idolatrous feasts at the temple? Do you reckon that the sexual promiscuity, so common among pagans of that day, never appealed to the children of Christians? Do you think that those early Christians, living in that pagan society, did not wrestle with the problem of how to teach their children to live in the world without being of the world? Do you suppose their children never argued that “everyone is doing it”? Don’t you think that their children might have argued that they could attend those functions at the temple, where idol worship and lewdness were integral parts, and still maintain their purity? Do you think that their neighbors were so different from ours that they did not “think it strange” that anyone would not allow their children to attend places of “lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties and abominable idolatries” (cf. 1 Pet. 4:1)? Are we to suppose no one ever defended such as just innocent fun? Unless human beings have changed drastically since then, those early Christians’ task of child-rearing was likely more difficult than ours. We live in a society, as perverse as it is, whose standards have been influenced somewhat by 2000 years of Christianity. That early pagan society that surrounded those Ephesian brethren had not been so tempered.

Parents Are Responsible

Christian parents need to realize that they are responsible for what they allow their children to do – not friends, nor relatives, nor brethren (elders, preachers or otherwise), nor the experts, but they, themselves. Yes, they may solicit and profit from the counsel and example of others, but, in the final analysis, they must base their house rules on the word of God, remembering that “happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth” (Rom. 14:22).

It is much more pleasant to say “O.K. ” than “no,” especially knowing that a “no” is going to upset some people. The young person who asked is not over-joyed. Nor will you likely make his friends’ top ten popularity list. Many others who take a lot of interest, but have no responsibility, in your child’s happiness may be ready to wring your neck for being so hard on the poor fellow.

A parent must remember that it is he, not his critics, who is given the responsibility of deciding what he will allow his children to do. It is he who will answer to God for “that thing which he alloweth. ” If his children rebel and do “that thing which he alloweth” not, they will have to answer for not obeying their “parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Eph. 4:6).

I have known parents to justify their permissiveness with the excuse, “I am afraid that if I do not let them do it that they will slip around and do it anyway, and I would not want that.” Yes, it would be sad to learn that a child had slipped around and done it, but he needs to be held accountable for his rebellion by the parent. He will surely be held accountable before God for disobeying his parents. There is no way a parent, having given permission against his convictions, can be free in the matter. Brother or sister, if your child does what you do not approve, let it be in spite of your prohibition rather than because of your permission. That is the only way that you can stand uncondenined before God and maintain the highest possible integrity and credibility before your children.

Should They or Should They Not?

Parents of Junior High and High School age children have to help their children reach many momentous decisions some involving right and wrong, some just a matter of setting priorities.

What about attending the school prom and other similar parties?

What articles of clothing are proper to wear to classes, other school activities, or elsewhere?

What about missing worship service to engage in a school activity, like a sporting event or a trip of some kind?

During spring or summer break, what about swimming at the public pool or beach in contemporary swim wear?

Christian parents, with their children, need to look into these things to see if any biblical principles are involved in these questions. There is at least one principle that directly affects three of the above questions – the prom, articles of clothing, and contemporary swim wear. “Lasciviousness” (KJV) or “lewdness” (NKJV) is condemned in no uncertain terms. These are translations of a word that “denotes excess, licentiousness, absence of restraint, indecency, wantonness” (Vine’s Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words). Thayer, mentions “indecent bodily movements” in connection with the word. One dictionary succinctly defines lascivious as: “To lust. To cause lust. To show lust.” Another defines it, “Tending to excite lustful desires” (Webster’s New World Dictionary of the American Language). Those who practice it cannot inherit the kingdom of heaven (Gal. 5:19-21).

One needs not to be too perceptive to see that most, if not all, the dancing done at proms falls in the category of lascivious conduct. The way that young men and young women handle each other’s bodies during the dance, the bodily movements in many of the dances, even when they are not touching each other, all of this is conducive to either lusting, causing lust or showing lust. Most people that I have talked with frankly admit that this is case – except those who are trying to defend the dance while also professing to be guided by biblical principles of morality. People of the world, who have no interest in biblical morality, freely admit that sensuality is an important factor in their attraction for the dance.

The same promotion of sensuality applies to the overly revealing (by its brevity and/or tightness) clothing worn by too thanyloday, It is teen everywhere at the beach, the pool, the mall, the park, the sports arena, school room and,, yes, even inchurch. Christians should have a deep sense of modesty and shaniefastness. This should be reflected in their dress and demeanor, at all times (see 1 Tim. 2:9,10). The things we have been discussing reflect neither modesty nor shamefastness.

Extra-Curricular Activities

Young people have so many places to go and things to do. Many are connected with extra-curricular school and community activities. There are sporting events. There are school trips. Often these are scheduled when the church has its regular scheduled meetings. What should you allow your youngster to do? Miss church services or miss the other activity? How are you going to teach him to “seek first the kingdom” if you let him put pleasant, even profitable, but non-essential school and community activities first?

Many conscientious young Christians, with their tender consciences, given the principles involved to study, would likely make the right decisions if it were not for the adverse influence of older Christians. A friend told me of an instance that happened during a gospel meeting in which he was preaching. A young lady came to him early in the week with a problem. The homecoming football game was to be that Friday night. She was to have a part in the activities. She wanted to know what she should do? Attend the meeting or the game? My friend, rather than telling her what he thought she should do, gave her some Bible passages to consider to help her make up her mind. He says that he wondered all week about what her decision would be. Then Friday night came. My friend, sitting up front before services, carefully scanned the audience looking for the young lady. He did not see her. Sitting next to him was the song leader for the night, who was also the father of the young lady. My friend remarked, “Well, I see that decided to go on to homecoming.” Her father said, “Yes, she had made up her mind to skip it and come to church, but I told her to go ahead. After all, she would only be young once.” My friend told me, “I could have cried.”

Once my wife and a group of ladies were preparing the church bulletin where I preached at the time for mailing. Several of the ladies were talking about how hard it is on young Christians to do right. They discussed several things they miss out on – like the school prom, mixed-swimming, and the like. One sister, who had a teen-age daughter, said, “We try not to let – know that she is missing anything.” That sister may have had the right idea. Maybe parents talk so much in the presence of their children about all those goodies (?) they are missing because they are Christians that they actually whet their appetites to give them a try. Maybe if we spent more time stimulating appreciation for spiritual values and impressing young people with the fact that the pleasure they are missing is but for a season, the battle against the influences of our permissive society upon our children would be more easily won.

Teenagers Need Strong Parents

I have lived and preached long enough to have observed a good many become teen-agers, thenyoung adults, then niarried,adult, then parents,” and even to see their children go through the same cycle. I have known many teenagers to strongly protest when their parents would not allow them to do some things they asked to do. I have talked with many of them in later years, who told me that in spite of their protests at the time, they had really wanted their parents to say, “no.” Why? It gave them an out. It took the pressure off them. They could tell their friends, “My parents won’t let me.” Deep down, they really did not think they should do what they were asking to do.. Yet, they were under heavy pressure from peers to ask – more pressure than they, in their immaturity, could handle at the time. It may very well be that more parents need to be willing to become scape goats for pressures placed upon their children during their immature formative years.

A mother once told me that, although she had some misgivings about things like the prom and certain types of dress (admitting that they could even be sinful), she still did not forbid her daughter’s involvement in such things. After all, she suggested, one has to understand how hard it is on young people not to be able to fit in with the activities of their friends. Then, as a kind of justification for her permissiveness, she said that it did not appear to have done her daughter any lasting harm. After all her daughter was now a fine young wife and good citizen in the community. She still attended church regularly and participated in church activities. “So you see,” she said, “No harm was really done.”

Was no harm really done? If her daughter sinned by the things she was permitted to do, then harm was done. If she has not repented, then lasting harm has been done. All that her daughter might be now will not offset her past sinful participation in forbidden pleasures. Only her repentance (change of heart regarding those things) will clear her of any sins associated with her mother’s permissiveness. Do you suppose this daughter might follow the example of her mother and be as permissive with her children? No lasting harm done? What do you think?

Young parent, your child is a gift from God (Psa. 127:3-5). He has been placed under your stewardship for a few years. What he is to become, to a great degree, depends on you. The values that you instill in him while in your house will go with him for life. Those values are going to be shaped greatly by the things he is able to do with your blessing. If you allow him to do things that are wrong or even questionable, it will be reflected by his sense of values. It behooves you to study the word of God to form your convictions and then stick by those convictions in the things that you allow your child to do. Even if he exercises his freedom of will and goes against what he is allowed to do by you, he will know your convictions and why you hold them. Who knows but that at some later date he will be pulled back to the values that he was taught by remembering that you had strong spiritual values and the courage to stand by them even in the face of his childish protestations?

Remember Eli? He and his house suffered greatly because he did not restrain his children (1 Sam. 3:13).

Guardian of Truth XXXIII: 12, pp. 373-375
June 15, 1989

By Weldon E. Warnock

Ogden Nash once said, “A family is a unit composed not only of children, but of men, women, an occasional animal and the common cold.” Families are still composed of children, an occasional animal and the common cold, but in almost seven million households a mother or father is missing, either by divorce, desertion, incarceration or death.(1)

America is experiencing a single-parent explosion. Twenty-three percent of all families in the U.S. are. single parent families and if current trends continue, 60 percent of all children will live in a single-parent home for some period of their lives by the year 2000.(2) In 9 out of 10 cases of single parents, the mother is the custodial parent.

Problems Encountered

The problems the single parent faces are multiple, among which may be depression, worry, loneliness, self-concern, guilt, anger, and the welfare of the children, specifically, the effects of single-parent rearing, the effects of divorce on the child, dangers to the latch-key child, school performance, adequate day care and custody and visitation rights.

The economic consequences of divorce can be equally devastating as the emotional fallout. After a divorce, mothers who have not been working usually have to find employment, and if they have young children, child care -immediately. Those who have been working already often have to give work a higher priority, perhaps working longer hours and living on half their previous budgets. Child-support payments are too frequently inadequate and poorly enforced.(3)

Dr. Michael Jellinek, a psychiatrist, wrote: “Indeed, the parents whom I’ve seen handle divorce well are those who can put the breakup in perspective and get rid of their angry feelings toward the ex-spouse. They do as much as they can to maintain the routine of their children’s lives by making sure the child keeps up with his or her music lessons or Sunday school or sports. They don’t let themselves become immensely guilty. They continue their own leisure activities – exercise, socializing, as much as possible.”(4)

Those wondering how children fare in one-parent households can draw on a growing body of professional advice and evidence, much of it discouraging. Sociologist Amitai Etzioni, professor at George Washington University, said: “In all my professional and personal experience, I have not seen a single child who did not suffer to some degree, physically or psychosomatically, from divorce.”(5)

On the other hand, Dr. Jellinek said, “Eighty to ninety percent of children recover from the initial shock of divorce in about a year. If there’s no ongoing hostility between the parents and if the child has a positive relationship with at least one parent, most children adjust well to their new situations.”(6)

Behavioral Guidelines

You who are in the single-parent category may be asking, “Where do I go from here?” A lengthy article by Neal A. Kuyper appeared in Pulpit Helps (January, 1983) on “The One-Parent Home.” Mr. Kuyper was a single parent for a time due to the death of his wife. He offers seviral guidelines for behavior in single-parenting. He suggests:

1. Believe Your Child Can Adjust. Accept the fact that most children have a great deal of ability to adjust to a oneparent home.

2. Take Time to Listen. Children often hunger for conversation with a parent who is not pre-occupied with other tasks.

3. Share Your Child’s Hurt. Accept some of the anger which will come.

4. Do Things Tbgether. Talk freely about money, household chores, and family activities. Bring to these areas some positive excitement. “Tonight let’s celebrate. We are ahead, and we are going out for pizza.” That is welcome news.

5. Help Your Child With Homework. This is the child’s main occupation.

6. Attend Church Together Regularly. Regularity of attendance gives continuity to their religious instruction and a stability to their lives.

7. Don’t Use the Missing Spouse As a Weapon. For example, Kuyper says if the spouse is deceased you do not say, “Mother would want you to be a good boy” or “You ought to live as your father lived.” If the spouse is divorced, try to keep on friendly terms.

8. Make Life Fuller Through Hospitality. Make the home a place for others to visit and enjoy. That may mean having the children’s friends sleeping overnight. Celebrate birthdays with friends and relatives.

9. Find Activities Which Develop Needed Self-Dignity. As an adult you may need to rethink your life and find some activities which give, you self-esteem and dignity apart from the children. Some persons have taken classes in night schools. Others have developed new areas of interest in homemaking, service in community, and service within the church.

In addition to the foregoing guidelines, another important one is – be yourself Let the children know you love them, but also let them know you have special needs for yourself.

What We Can Do to Help

As Christians we must take a vital interest in and a s . concern for the welfare of our brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as all men. Single parents have burdens to bear that we can share in and help carry. Those might be:

1. Providing some physical needs, like food, clothing, medical expenses, assisting in paying the utilities, etc. The church from its treasury may (and should) help in this area when the ex-spouse will not help at all or adequately, or there is no immediate family to help or it won’t help, like parents, brothers or sisters.

2. Keeping the children so the single parent can have some free time.

3. Picking children up at school when the parent has to work or keeping the child when sick so the parent may work. Generally, grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts or uncles do this, but occasionally, friends must do it.

4. Take children to special events to help the parent and for the children’s enjoyment, like ball games, wholesome movies, fishing, skating, bowling, etc. Include the single-parent (and children) in your social functions.

5. Help the mother maintain her car, like oil and filter changes, greasing, rotating tires and minor mechanical repair. This constitutes a big savings when some of the men in the congregation can do these things for a sister.

6. Repair washer, dryer, stove, furnace, electrical and plumbing problems, and a number of other things around the house.

7. Assisting mother during worship in taking care of children. Sometimes a single mother may have two or three small children and she needs help. Of course, this would also include the father who is in this situation.

Other things could be enumerated where we can also practice pure and undefiled religion (Jas. 1:27). There are many good works that most all of us are in position to do.

Trust in the Lord

Finally, and importantly, may the single-parent, as well as all of us, put his/her trust in God and the Lord Jesus Christ for his/her every need. Realize that:

1. God sees. “For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous” (1 Pet. 3:12). “Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? But even the very hair of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows” (Lk. 12:6-7). God sees our every need.

2. God hears. “If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” (Matt. 7:11)

3. God understands. “O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thoughts afar off” (Psa. 139:1-2).

4. God provides. Paul wrote, “but my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ “us” (Phil. 4:19).

5. God cares. “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved” (Psa. 55:22). “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1 Pet. 5:7).

6. God helps. “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness” (Isa. 41:10). “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psa. 46:1).

We sing the beautiful song:

My Jesus knows when I am lonely,

He knows each pain, He sees each tear;

He understands each lonely heartache,

He understands because He cares.

Single parents can be healthy and happy people and raise healthy and happy children. We who are not single parents can make their job easier by letting them know that we understand and care.(7)

Endnotes

1. Being a Single Parent, Andre Bustanoby, p. 1.

2. Good Housekeeping, September, 1988, p. 126.

3. Ibid.

4. Ibid., p. 144.

5. U.S. News & World Report, Nov. 28, 1983, p. 58.

6. Good Housekeeping, September, 1988, p. 144.

7. Being a Single Parent, Andre Bustanoby, pp. vii-viii.

Guardian of Truth XXXIII: 12, pp. 378-379
June 15, 1989

By Harold Fite

“Television is a dominant voice in America, and is a formidable teacher of children” (Eli A. Rubinstein, American Scientist, December 1978).

Children watch approximately 32 hours of TV a week. One fourth to one half of their waking hours are spent watching television. Over 98 percent of American households have at least one television set. A family may not have indoor plumbing, but will have a TV. By the time a child graduates from high school, he or she will have spent more time in front of a television set than in a formal classroom. Sleep is the only thing surpassing television viewing as a time consumer!

The influence of television over our children is tremendous! The networks and some sponsors deny it, but the evidence is overwhelming. Companies would not spend millions of dollars on commercials unless they thought they could influence people to buy their product. Children, on an average hear 400 commercials a week. It influences them on what they wear, eat, and how they entertain themselves. Children are in the process of forming their character and are at an impressionable age. They are great imitators, and they are receiving from TV, values which are directly opposite of those we would want our children to believe in and practice.

Several weeks ago, four young boys sat on a curb in front of the church building shouting obscenities to the passers by. The pleading of adults went unheeded, as more abuse was heaped upon them. Those disrespectful, arrogant, vile youths know that the law protects them, and they dare any adult to lay a hand on them. Seldom does it do any good, to go to the parents. Parents usually rule in favor of their children.

Where do these kids of tender age learn such filthy language? How can one so young be so hard, insensitive, and void of respect for others? Some learn to spew forth profanities from their parents, and others from their peers, but in my judgment the real culprit is television! Producers of TV shows are putting curse words in the mouths of children they are directing. Profanity has increased among children as it has grown and become commonplace in television programing. Children watching TV are treated to a steady diet of four letter words. It becomes “cute,” the “in thing,” and provokes a few laughs, expresses irreverence, and provides a shocking effect on others. And in a perverted way helps to establish one’s independency – a “don’t care attitude.” It’s smart and gets attention. Many of the phrases are identical with those heard in movie houses and on television. One can’t constantly take this trash into the mind without being affected.

The influence of TV cannot be limited to bad language. What about violence? Is there a relationship between television and aggressive behavior? Experimental studies support the view that viewing violence increases the likelihood of children engaging in aggressive behavior.

If we have encountered violence, we know it is to be more sickening than thrilling, but simulated violence is dramatic, exciting, and entertaining. Children may find it difficult to distinguish between fact and fiction. It encourages our children to perceive as normal and real that which fits the established fantasies of our society. Actual crimes have been committed as a result of seeing it on TV.

Television also presents a distorted view of sex. It encourages sexual immorality. That which is pure becomes harsh, hurtful, and manipulative. It glorifies sex among the unmarried and presents it as the norm. Children are even used in sexual scenes. Homosexuality is dignified.

Dr. W. Cody Wilson, past executive director of the U.S. Commission on Obscenity and Pornography, after seeing most studies on the subject, concluded that “there is a positive connection between moral depravity and pornography.” A man in Chicago, after seeing a sexually stimulating movie, and having dragged his victim off the street and into an alley, said, “I had to rape somebody!”

A 17-year-old in Atlanta, standing over the nude, stabbed, dead body of a 24-year-old woman confessed that he had committed the crime, down to the last detail, of a movie he had seen two weeks previously.

Parents are not immune to the influential power of television. It has changed parents’ concept relative to rearing children. The TV has become the baby-sitter, the magic storyteller, and the educational and entertainment center. Children are treated like adults, left to make difficult decisions they are incapable of making. Discipline is not maintained. Parents have accepted the sexual permissiveness of their children. Sex among unmarried children is recognized as normal by the parents (even providing pregnancy preventatives for their children). Homosexuality is accepted as an alternate life style. Families no longer eat together, and when meals are consumed it is in front of the TV. Materialism is stressed and the Bible and religion are ridiculed. All of the above and myriads of other things have appeared on family oriented shows. True moral values are being compromised and undermined while “brain-washed” parents, not only allow it to happen, but being mesmerized by the power of television, contribute to it.

A child may not curse, become promiscuous, or go out and kill someone because of watching TV, but I am concerned with the gradual conditioning effect it has on them. It becomes a part of the whole picture of what we think. It effects how we view people and things. Sin becomes no longer exceedingly sinful. We cease to be outraged by it. It desensitizes us. Children have a basic need for protection from these adverse influences of television and parents must fulfill that need.

The cliche, “garbage in – garbage out,” applies here. We are to protect our hearts from anything that would pollute our minds. “For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Psa. 23:7). Evil comes from the heart, and out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Matt. 12:34,35; 15:1619). To think evil is to be evil (Gen. 6:15). To think good is to be good (Phil. 4:8). The Devil knows that if he can control our mind – he has us! We are to keep our heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life (Prov. 4:23).

Parents have a responsibility to their children to regulate TV viewing. It is destroying the moral fiber of our youth. Parents must know when to turn the set off and have the courage to do so. We would not bring alcoholic beverages into our homes, or allow visitors to use vulgar language, commit acts of violence, nor allow fornication under our roof. Yet all these things are brought into the home by way of television.

Parents must limit the time for TV viewing, and determine the content of the program to be seen. I will not presume to make guidelines for others, but whether you limit your children to one hour viewing per day and two on Saturday and Sunday, or some other plan, regulating the viewing time and content is a must.

Television does affect behavior. Control the TV!

Guardian of Truth XXXIII: 12, pp. 370-371
June 15, 1989

By Sewell Hall

There is no magic formula which will guarantee spiritually minded children. Spiritual-mindedness is the result of allowing the Spirit rather than the flesh to control one’s life. It involves spiritual values, spiritual goals, spiritual attitudes and spiritual conduct in all relationships. The decision to “walk in the Spirit” is one that each individual must make for himself; parents cannot make it for their children. “So then each of us shall give account of himself to God” (Rom. 14:12).

This is not to say, however, that parents are without influence in determining the choice their children will make. Theirs is the opportunity to be the greatest influence of all, but this opportunity must be seized and guarded or it will be lost.

Parents Must Be Spiritually Minded

Children are much more likely to become what their parents are than what they claim to be. Children see behind the facades that parents erect for the outside world to see. They know what their parents really are – their real motivations, their real affections, their real attitudes, their real goals. When parents are seen to be truly spiritual in these things, their teaching will be effective; but when parents try to teach children to be what they are not, their teaching is not only ineffective, it is repulsive and repelling.

Children do not expect spiritual perfection in their parents but they do (and have a right to) expect sincerity in pureuit of perfection. When spiritually minded parents do fail,. they humbly confess their failure rather than rationalizing their mistakes. Rationalizing carnality, under any circumstances destroys respect for spirituality and sets a precedent for rationalization by the child when he is carnal.

Parents Must Purpose Spiritual-Mindedness

Spiritually minded parents understand that spiritual-mindedness is the only truly essential goal to be achieved in the rearing of their children. Since God’s purpose in creating them is that they might “be conformed to the image of his Son” (Rom. 8:29), this alone will determine their success or failure in life; and this alone will determine their eternal destiny.

Rather than harboring a pessimistic faithless resignation to the probability that a child will be overwhelmed by the godless influences of this generation, parents must determine before the child is born, even as did Hannah, that “I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life” (1 Sam. 1:11). Though humbly stated, theirs must be the sentiment of Joshua: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Josh. 24:15).

Such a goal must remain before parents constantly. It is not enough to write it on the front page of a Bible or to display it as a plaque on the nursery wall. It must govern every decision that will affect the child.

This goal is not easy to maintain. Our children are under constant pressure from their peers to conform to “this world” and they in turn put pressure on us for decisions that will permit it. We do not like to deny them any pleasure and we do not want to see them suffer embarrassment. Furthermore, our own pride may so delight to see them popular or successful in the eyes of the world that our decisions regarding their dress, their entertainment or their companionships will be affected by it. We may cherish so highly the reflected glory of their performances on the athletic field or on the stage that we will agree to their participation in activities and groups (and even finance their education in colleges) where spiritual influences are almost nonexistent and negative influences prevail. It is easy to think that just one decision will not make that much difference, but rearing children is a day-to-day and decision-by-decision process. We cannot afford to make even one choice that does not reflect our goal of spiritual-mindedness. We may not always be able to determine what our children do, but we can determine what they do with our approval.

Parents Must Train for Spiritual-Mindedness

It is important that children know from their very infancy what goals their parents have in mind for them. They must know that they are sanctified to a special role in life – the service of God. They learn this, not simply by being told, but by seeing this purpose in their parents’ decisions and by seeing the reactions of parents to their conduct. In early life especially, children look to their parents for approval and they learn quickly what pleases them most. When they see that parents are more pleased with accomplishments of a spiritual nature than with those of an academic, social, or athletic nature, they know what their parents really value. Parents cannot and should not make all the decisions for their children. Mature individuals are “those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil” (Heb. 5:14). Parents must oversee and guide the use of those senses. This means very early helping the child to face decisions with the question, “What would God want me to do?” More often than we would expect, the child comes to a right conclusion. This is the time to praise the child for his decision and to encourage implementation of it. Then when the child does what is right, commend him heartily. It is urgent that we give the child full credit for making the decision and let his reward be the favor of God. If the child makes a wrong decision, of course, we may have to veto his choice and tell him that there are some things in God’s word that he doesn’t yet understand, but that someday he will understand and be glad he let his parents guide him, since that is also God’s will. This is far better than shouting at a child, “You do it because I said to!”

Parents Must Control Influences

If spiritual-mindedness is control of the mind by the spirit rather than by the flesh, then parents must control the influeces that mold the thinking of their children – “as he thinketh in his heart so is he” (Prov. 23:7). Such control must be both negative and positive. There must be a careful effort to prevent the child from absorbing carnality through television, movies, music, books, magazines, and, above all things, companions. This will demand self-discipline in parents and constant vigilance and even some “policing” of the children. We must not suppose, however, that this alone will secure our children against carnality. – We must surround them with spiritual influences so that there will never be a vacuum calling for fleshly satisfaction.

First and foremost must be the Holy Spirit’s influence through the word. It is not incidental that Paul could write to so fine a young man as Timothy and say to him, “From childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ” (2 Tim. 3:15). Reading Bible stories to children is a good beginning. Then as they grow older, parents need to read and discuss the Scriptures with them. If you begin early enough, they will love the attention and later treasure the memories.

If there is to be a television in the home, it should be in a family room where parents know what is being watched at 0 times. Wholesome educational and entertaining programs can be watched together as a family; other use should be severely limited. See that good reading material is available in the form of good books and wholesome magazines for children. From infancy, let them hear good records and tapes of hymns, Bible reading, and good sermons being played in the home, as well as good wholesome secular music. Any parent who considers these suggestions burdensome, needs to go back and read the earlier discussion of the necessity of being spiritual ourselves.

Teaching done by the church can be a significant help to parents. Parents should use their influence in the church to encourage good Bible teaching and then support it by seeing that the children are present and that lessons are well prepared. In addition to what they learn from classes, children can learn from sermons. Enroute home, parents can pass the time by asking children about the preacher’s sermon. Commend them highly for every right answer. Take advantage, too, of gospel meetings in neighboring congregations. At an early age when children like to go with their parents, a tradition of attending gospel meetings can be formed. What a joy it is to see whole families even taking journeys of several miles to hear the gospel and meet with brethren!

Good friends are a major factor in spirituality. Parents should make whatever sacrifice is necessary to see that their children visit and entertain other children from spiritually oriented homes. You can even share your own Christian friends with your children. When you have gospel preachers or other spiritually minded Christians in your home for dinner, include the children at the table and in conversations. Christlike men and women have time for children, but the relationship must be formed while they are small. Our children consider several gospel preachers and their wives among their closest friends. When they are a little uncertain about advice their parents are giving them and turn to such friends for counsel, how can we object? And how can we express fully to such men and women, our gratitude for their help?

Parents Must Pray

Finally, if our children are to be spiritually minded, prayer must be offered daily for the help which God alone can give. Let the children hear you pray, asking this above all things. Teach them to pray for it. It will affect your own attitudes; it will keep this goal before the children; but most of all, it is the means by which you can obtain the help God has promised. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him” (Jas. 1:5).

Guardian of Truth XXXIII: 12, pp. 362-363
June 15, 1989