By Darleen Sweets
I was thinking that it’s awful warm in here, but you know I really like it that way. It always feels as if the walls are pushing inward. They seem to be getting closer all of the time. I see everything as pitch black. I wish I could see more. I know that I don’t look like everyone else. I feel so cramped and closed in. Everyone else seems so relaxed and comfortable.
I realize I don’t eat like everyone else, but maybe some-day I will be able to. The doctors say I am starting to grow more. I wish so badly to be like everyone else. I only wish I could get out into the real world. I hope everyone will accept me the way I am. I’m human and I have feelings too.
I know my mama loves me. I can tell by her gentle touch. Sometimes she rubs me gently, and it feels so good. I try to tell her I love her, but it doesn’t come out so clear. I say it in my mind over and over. I wonder if she knows that I love her. I hope she does.
Some people think I’m deaf, but they don’t realize that I really can hear. It must be because I don’t speak.
I went with Mama to the doctor. We had to wait a real long time. I had time for a nap. I could hear people laughing and chattering, but what I liked most was the soft music in the background. I know it was my time to see the doctor because my mama carried me in and the doctor was talking to my mom. I had hoped the doctor’s visit would be quick and easy. I knew what was coming next, the doctor always poked on me when I have gone to him before. I wish he wouldn’t poke on me so much.
Mama, what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Mama don’t be upset! I wish so badly she could hear me. Good, Mama stopped crying so much. I’m glad she’s settling down a bit. My doctor and nurse told my mama to lay down, I could hear them. I know that they would help her now.
Oh! That hurts, Mama help me, can’t you hear me. Oh! Mama what did I do wrong? Please help me. Mama help me, I’m being cut. I know you love me, why won’t you help me? Mama don’t leave me. I can’t hear you much more. I feel icy cold, everything is fainting, it hurts! Why? Mama! Mama! The last thing I heard was the nurse say the abortion is over. All is gone and quiet, all is calm. I hear no more .. .
Then his loving hand took me! I know that God loves me.
(This article was written by Darleen (age 14) after having submitted one to her English teacher that was similar, only to see it rejected because of its plain language. The teacher read this one through and began to cry. Afterwards, she showed it to other faculty members who also wept. Thank God for young people such as Darleen.)
Guardian of Truth XL: No. 19, p. 7
October 3, 1996